Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-04-2006, 05:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default An age old tragedy

The age old tale of tragedy...
From a great man comes a progedy
But the he doesn't live to see
what his creation will turn out to be
Under the circumstance
Everyone is displaced in a trance
tears of joy, they soon will pass
and sadness will prove to last


This is VERY short but I've had something along these lines going through my head for some time now. I don't really know what I think of it. On one hand it is very important to me and perhaps one of the most truthful songs I have made, but on the other hand I think the rhyming is a bit cheesy. I really need help with this one please.
TrampInaTux is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 05:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 129
Default

keep with the idea but try and not rhymn so much
angel18 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 03:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
sleepy jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,969
Default

Don't use great man twice, thats just lame.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
sleepy jack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 04:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
butt say x
 
mosesandtherubberducky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: so i read the question as "Where YOU live" which was kinda funny instead of "Where you live"
Posts: 1,649
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
The age old tale of tragedy...
From a great man comes a progedy
But the he doesn't live to see
what his creation will turn out to be
Under the circumstance
Everyone is displaced in a trance
tears of joy, they soon will pass
and sadness will prove to last
Just some suggestions, not sure what you are going for though. I do like this one more than Bad name for jesus becaues god is a whore. Anti-Religion songs are hard to make them sound good.
__________________
Can I have a youtube video for a sig? There's a thing that says "Wrap [YOUTUBE] tags around selected text"
mosesandtherubberducky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 06:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
Whitewater!
 
Merkaba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
Default

Whats progedy?
And I don't understand lines 5-6.
How does line 7 work? I can't imagine brief happiness turning to a longing sadness. This is about your dad who is gone isn't it? I don't understand the brief "joy" bit. Can you explain the song hobo?
__________________
She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker
Merkaba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2006, 02:20 AM   #6 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default

Thanks for your help people, I knew the great man line was crap was just waiting for one of you guys to give me something better. Basically this is about my Dad's newborn child, my half sister. The last line refers to the tears of happiness because you have a beautiful new baby in your family, but then those tears are replaced with tears of sadness when you remember that Dad isn't going to be here to see her. I suppose I best stop posting these personal songs on here, as I might be the only one who understands them.
TrampInaTux is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2006, 05:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
They call me Tundra Boy
 
DontRunMeOver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merkaba
Whats progedy?
I think it was meant to mean progeny - as in 'offspring' - but maybe got it mixed up with prodigy. In a way he's created a new word, meaning prodigal progeny (a prodigal daughter).

Don't stop putting personal songs up. People prefer to read them, possibly just because the situation has already given direction to what you're writing. Also, if its something you've actually thought about a lot you will have a lot more ideas to draw on than if you make up the theme on the spot.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyppfan View Post
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
DontRunMeOver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2006, 06:01 AM   #8 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default

prodigy was the actual word I was looking for-mispelt it. Although Progedy is a good word that I have created. The problem I have with writing these really personal songs up here is that I always end up explaining them to everyone so they can review them better. I would much prefer it if people wouldn't ask these questions and decide for themselves what the song could be about. That keeps a certain mystery to the songs, in my opinion.
TrampInaTux is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2006, 09:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 129
Default

I agree Hobo. But don't stop writing because you think nobody understands the songs. I'd say most people on here can relate to what your songs are about! Keep posting the personal stuff!
angel18 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



2003-2019 Advameg, Inc.

SEO by vBSEO 3.5.2 ©2010, Crawlability, Inc.