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Old 04-05-2006, 01:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Unhappy ~Disappointed~

You were doing so well I thought you would keep it up
You want me to trust you but you don’t show me why

Is it him that made you go back on it
Or is it them that persuaded you

You were happier and we got along better
But now that’s all draining away

I don’t want to lose you again and I don’t want it to be
The way it use to be, I just want you to stay clean

You’re once again becoming a little piece of nothing
To stoned to be thinking of what’s real

Hidden behind walls and unable to see
I thought you were strong but now I see you are weak

I’m trying to stay here for you but you’re making it hard on me
Thorns of time against the rose of the world

Soon enough it’ll be different, and you won’t have me
But maybe you’ll be happy since you still got your weed.
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Old 04-06-2006, 05:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
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i like your rap songs better, these ones just seem so blurrrrtet.
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Old 04-06-2006, 06:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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this isnt a song hun
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Old 04-06-2006, 08:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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then what is it? teenage cliche rant?
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Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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Old 04-07-2006, 08:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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yeah definitely not crazy about it, among other things, there's really no flow at all to it. plus, you're tackling a pretty serious subject with this one, and the language you've used makes it come off too predictable, and not really compelling enough to do justice to such a serious subject. But I think if you reworked it a bit to make your point in a less predictable way, it could be really good.
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Old 04-10-2006, 03:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Fixed it up a lil bit, what you think?
Now im actually trying, before it was just a "rant", i guess. to mad to think straight.
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