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Old 05-01-2006, 10:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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You don't need to be experts to realise that the flow is bad, I'm Not That Bright And Not That Slow doesn't make any sense and the chorus is filler where a good chorus should be. If you post **** on here expect us to criticise it.
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Old 05-01-2006, 10:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
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well firstly i was going for snappy short lines instead of long ones. and if u think the chorus is that bad, then how should i change it?
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Old 05-01-2006, 10:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I will come back to that later, but try and think up something better yourself first.
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Old 05-01-2006, 12:27 PM   #14 (permalink)
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what kind of song is this? i mean if its like britney spears pop then i guess anything goes but other wise it seems like you didnt write it from the heart.
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Old 05-01-2006, 02:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angel18
thanx smoggey, well swim and hobo don't get the point of the song/poem so i couldn't be bothered explaining it. if they were that good they would get the point and the style of the writing.
I know what it's about. It's just not very poetic. The point of writing is not to just get your point across, if that's your objective write in prose, the point of writing is to make somebody feel something. You should take people's opinions and use them instead of argueing. Because that is the purpose of this forum.
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Old 05-02-2006, 02:13 AM   #16 (permalink)
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i have took peoples opinions in this forum! i'v written lots of stuff with meaning behind it and no one has bothered to comment on them!
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