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Old 05-01-2006, 01:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default Mister Man

In the other world
the people treated him so nice
now he has returned
to the whinges of his wife
He loses his mind a second
then gets back to following orders
from everyone around him
pointing out his disorders

CHORUS
Try Mister Man to stay on plan
We know they aren't very nice
although when they try they can, can, can...

Go back to bed, Mister
don't worry they won't miss y'
strangers lips on your wife's
you never were a good kisser
in fact you aren't good at anything
except for paying for your wife to live
and where's that necklace you bought before?
Why it's on your brother's bedroom floor

CHORUS
Try Mister Man to stay on plan
We know they aren't very nice
although when they try they can, can, can...



This is very technoish... the beat I've got in my head at least. Let's just say I've tried something different. So I REALLY do need your thoughts on this one.
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Old 05-01-2006, 01:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Location: NY
Posts: 355
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I like the verses, but i dont the chorus. overall, i like where you're going with this one.
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Old 05-01-2006, 02:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
dontcareaboutyou
 
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Location: North Carolina
Posts: 5,188
Default

I like the story and the flow so, good job.
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Old 05-02-2006, 12:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
angel of tragic days
 
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Posts: 924
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its clear there is a story there, but i don't think it fits well as a song. but good try tho.
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Old 05-02-2006, 02:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Posts: 129
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i agree with crazy luv, the verses are good but i just dont like the chorus
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