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Old 06-21-2006, 08:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 7 Steps Away

"7 Steps Away"

Toss it back,
As quick as possible,
After all this time,
The taste seems all too familiar,
Itís been three days,
Since Iíve got any sleep of any kind,
And youíre face haunts my eyelids,
And Iíd kill to dream tonight

They tell me this works,
But I know,
That this wonít cure me,
This medicine tastes old,
Bitter, and hostile,
Showing me,
That even the smallest things
Are sometimes the hardest

And these hands around my neck,
Are choking the life out of me,
Once I shake this free,
Iíll run from this,
Maybe this is the place I can lie down
But you will be following me close
Being sure I donít get a second of rest

They tell me this works,
But I know,
That this wonít cure me,
This medicine tastes old,
Bitter, and hostile,
Showing me,
That even the smallest things
Are sometimes the hardest

Iím growing tired,
And Iíll slowly close my eyes,
And fall into dreams where I see things
We canít comprehend in this world,
And when I wake,
I would hope that youíre laying next to meÖ
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Old 06-26-2006, 03:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The general feeling of the lyric is good and it gets the point across, although half the lines come across as pretty pointless in conveying that message. For example, the first few lines:

"Toss it back,
As quick as possible,
After all this time,
The taste seems all too familiar"

Are pretty useless, I don't know what they bring to the lyric. The lines which follow are much better.

The lines:
"Showing me,
That even the smallest things
Are sometimes the hardest"
Seem pretty meaningless, so they could be replaced with something that tells more of the story.

And
"They tell me this works,
But I know,"
Is unnecessarily plain, you could maybe find a way to spruce it up?

Generally, its good but has a fair few dull or pointless lines which should be changed. If you ever read this, get working on it!
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 06-28-2006, 09:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you very much, I see EXACTLY where you're coming from and I'll see what I can do. Thanks again.
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Old 06-28-2006, 03:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I feel like you should put a different spin on it. I was bored by it to be honest - like DRMO said, dull/pointless lines. What would make you listen to this song?
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Old 06-28-2006, 08:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Because I want to haha...thanks for all the feedback.
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Old 06-28-2006, 08:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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No, you misunderstood - I wasn't saying that in an ******* way like. WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU LISTEN TO THAT??????

It was like, if someone else had written it, what would have to be done to make you listen to that.
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Old 06-29-2006, 03:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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What Crowe said particularly counts for the introductory lines of the song. In your song they're probably the weakest lyrics, when you need to have your best lyrics at the beginning of the song, to grab people's attention otherwise they won't be listening when the more interesting lyrics come along.
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 06-29-2006, 08:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crowe
No, you misunderstood - I wasn't saying that in an ******* way like. WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU LISTEN TO THAT??????

It was like, if someone else had written it, what would have to be done to make you listen to that.
No I was just jokin around too, thanks for all the help guys, I wrote this a while ago but I'm going to try and fix it up. Thanks again.
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