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Old 06-22-2006, 10:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default Little Young Me

I love you a lot more than you love me
When I look at you there is so much more to see
I'm glad that you are so in awe with love, my dear
to not realise who you are in love with, I fear
(I fear, I fear)

CHORUS
It will all come crashing down on us
My barricades will fall and I shall be sussed
When the intrigue of the feeling has passed away
Let it be known, let it be known if you feel this way







A verse and a chorus. I'm in a bit of a hurry but I had to quickly write this down because I was singing these lyrics to myself and if I didn't jot them down somewhere I surely would have lost them! So, please give me your thoughts on the little I have wrote. Should I build upon it?
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Old 06-22-2006, 06:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
punk rock panzy ***got
 
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I really liked it. it needs more, as I'm sure you knew somebody would say.

it's kind of catchy, as well.
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Old 06-29-2006, 09:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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The length and rhythm of the phrases seems too similar between the verse and the chorus and the verse wasn't as interesting as your other songs seem to have been. But if you already had a good tune for it, then carry on working on it and maybe make the verse a bit shorter, punchier and more interesting?
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