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Old 06-25-2006, 09:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 140
Default Something Perfect

When I finally find someone perfect
I wonder if all of this sh!t will be worth it
Will it all add up to make this much better?
Or will I regret what I went through to get her?

And this is assuming that someone is truly
Going to be there when I get through this
But so far it seems life isn't just for me
So far it seems like its randomly happening

Maybe dreams just keep us all trying
to Keep us from falling, from failing and dying
No guarentees that they aren't all lying
No guarentees that you wont die hiding

I'll set my goals modestly in reach
Just to be able to raise a good family
Someone who's worth it will just make me happy
No guarentees but I...still dream.
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Old 06-26-2006, 04:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
Default

This song's generally a lot better than the, um, other one of yours I just critiqued. Needs a chorus/hookline, you could use this one of yours

"Maybe dreams just keep us all trying
to Keep us from falling, from failing and dying
No guarentees that they aren't all lying
No guarentees that you wont die hiding"

Or maybe just the first two lines of that

"Maybe dreams just keep us all trying
to Keep us from falling, from failing and dying
Maybe dreams just keep us all trying
to Keep us from falling, from failing and dying"

Or something a bit shorter and simpler. Do it!
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 06-27-2006, 04:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
Alo
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Location: Brighton, UK
Posts: 715
Default

I couldn't even get through it. There are a thousand songs just like this. And you go from one thing to another, which don't really seem related. Kind of messy. And I also agree with Don'tRunMeOver, try that, and then let it be reviewed again.
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