it is nice that u have a very specific theme for ur song.
i made the mistake of not working one out before i started writing lyrics and WHAM its a mess now.....so i have to change gears with it................

I like it, it sounds like a folk song... or thats what I hear when I read it.. a sound similar to "Paranoia in Bb Major" by the Avett Brothers.

The most important thing to me when writing songs is to have a clear idea of your topic or main idea. And to re-read your song over and over again picturing yourself reading it for the first time, to make sure your conveying at least vaguely to your audience your original topic or main idea. Its okay if some people don't understand at first, but they should after you explain it.

[QUOTE=DontRunMeOver;274135]8. Know exactly what the song is about

When compared to most poetry and other creative forms of language, songs are short and sweet. As lyrics must be singable and need to leave space for the music, a song will typically contain no more than a couple of hundred words (I would estimate my songs have about 150 words on average, some maybe reach about 300, but not much more).

This limit benefits the musical side of the song and it means that there is very little room for faffing about when it comes to getting your point across. You have a few hundred words to tell your story, or to convey your emotion, or to paint whatever picture you want the listener to get.

Thus it is vital that you know exactly what you're going to write about before you start writing the lyrics, so that you're well prepare to communicate the message you want within the short time available. If you have a clear idea of what you want to say, then all you need to do is render this idea into the form of a song. Plus, if you have a clear idea of what you're saying, the listener will be more likely to have a clear idea of what is being said to them. If you aren't sure what your song is about, the listener has no chance.




i think there is a lot to be said for writing without clear intent, and ambiguity...why do you need to know what its about, and songs mean different things to different people. writing with a clearly defined topic can be a stifling approach as it takes away any non-linear, absurdist, surreal and subliminal stories

the best stories in songs i have written have always come when writing idly without a topic.

over-intellectualising will only cloud the matter


rough rhyme is one of the most fantastic things in the world
it lends an assonance to the phrase that gives some of the flow of conventional rhyme but avoids the bland nature of most rhyme. Listen to any of the "great" songwriters to see countless examples

You know after I posted that Fire I sort of regretted saying it. I don't mind ALL rhymes that aren't exactly rhymes but it just bugs me when it sounds forced is what I was getting at. After I posted that I was listening to something where it was a "rough rhyme" as you put it, and it was actually quite clever.

Oh ok i get more what you mean
yeah that force the syllables into rhyme thing is awful
but two similar words with common assonance works quite well

hahaha i was writing this song and the first line was cool, but i didnt know where to go. so it ended up being this really weird song about an epic battle that involves two people stronger than the gods and blah blah blah blah blah.
i ended up ripping up the whole thing and starting over. its an anti war song now.

but i used some really really weird rhymes in it.....................

post it.

naw. i got pissed at it and scratched the whole thing. it was pretty bad. a few days of letting it sit and i tossed it out the window. it was in such bad condition not even life support woulda helped

ahh, yeah... can't save em all.