gottaSCREM

Whatever dudes.

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The Person You Love To Hate

sleepy jack

You know, if you post a song and ask for suggestions and people give them to you, even if they aren't praise you shouldn't act like a prick and be all 'whatever dude' maybe you should consider taking their advice and quit writing your shitty hawthorne heights wannabe lyrics and try and do something different.

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swim

You know why I don't like you? You don't listen. You ask for suggestions and we tell you is beyond repair the efforts better spent on picking a better topic, something unique and creative, learning a couple new words, reading books and becoming better with how you word things. I literally read through every line and to every single and every time my thought was damn this is cliche. MB as a whole knows more than you, listen arshole.

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gottaSCREM

Your suggestions consist of "dump it" "it sucks" why not help and give a way of changing lines or re wording something instead of saying those things. I respect your "suggestions" but I was looking for more than what you post.

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The Person You Love To Hate

sleepy jack

Way to blow off our reasoning. No matter how well you word it its still cliche, predictable and a bad topic.

I've only had to do this once before, but I am done reading your stuff and helping you, being a prick about it is going to get you even more disliked then you are.

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gottaSCREM

Figures. You know maybe if you guys gave me a chance or even hear my words maybe you wouldn't feel that way. Go ahead and don't read I ask for more in depth suggestions but all you offer is a cliche wording, I'm sorry if my wording upsets you but what I write is how I feel if you don't like it than it's better if you don't read it.

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The Person You Love To Hate

swim

My heart cries
Mentioning heart ever is tricky business and isn't easy to not sound stupid when using it.
Every passing day it dies alittle more
Not only is it jumpy it's cliche. Shallow and more or less meaningless.
The scars that won't heal
Again jumpy no flow. This is all very vague.
The lonlieness is forever more
Again very shallow, generic. Means nothing to me. Describe something!
She left with my heart
Cheesy.
Destined to never return
Cheesier.

She said those famous last words
That still haunts my memory
Every tear that I cry reminds me of how much rejection hurts
I wish I can find a way out of this four walled world
Rejections cold, love hurts
It's the story of my life
And the haunting reality
Life is un fair and to difficult to figure out
The once heart of gold, tarnished by heart break
People say soul mates are hard to come by
The one's that find them are treated with eternal happiness
For the rest of us
All we're left with is
A heart full of thorns and an eye full of tears.

I could pick apart the rest but the thing is I'd just say it lacks flow and it's generic. Isn't the point of doing anything to make something different? So try to think of something you've never heard before and describe that. Those are good poems.

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gottaSCREM

That's what I'm talking about. Now that helps

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The Person You Love To Hate

jibber

how is that any more helpful? all he's done is take every critcism you've already got, broken them down into oe line phrases, and placed one under EVERY SINGLE LINE. He even said it was pointless of him to do so to the entire song, since it's just repeating what everyone has said already. The gist of it is, the ENTIRE SONG is cliche, generic, meaningless, and tedious to read.

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What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

swim

Hey.

I don't have penis.

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