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Old 01-26-2007, 07:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
The Professor
 
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Default What Life Could He Have?

What Life Could He Have?


A young boy confused about his life
Mom and dad kicked him out on the street
Walking around alone as usual
The streetlights beam brighter tonight than ever before
His shadow following him every step of the way
He's not sure where he's going, all he knows is it's far away from home
It amazes me the will of instinct
An instinct that never wore off
Moveing from home to home, city to city
Trying to find somewhere he belongs
Trying to find the family he never had
Roads all lead to a destination
Who knows where it might be
He's made a home for himself
In his own little world
A world safe from the horrors of his broken home
A broken home where he was caught in the middle
And feel threw the cracks
Desending into the great abyss
The home that pushed him away
The home he ran from every day
Was the same home that took his life
All the years running and hideing
Searching for what he lost
Searching for what he Desperately needed
Cost him his life
The same parents that pushed him away
Now Apologizing over their sons coffin
Never going to see their little boy again
The last kiss goodbye, all those years wasted away
It takes something like death for people to realize
How selfish they acted
It's a shame that moment didn't come sooner.


Suggestions needed badly. Please!!!

Last edited by Loser; 01-26-2007 at 08:27 PM.
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Old 01-26-2007, 08:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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This reminds me a lot of my own writing actually. A story with characters we will for, a tragic ending - a gloomy message. nice.
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Old 01-26-2007, 09:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I really like that just the way it is!
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
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it has a pretty good image to it and it has some unique lines in it too, i like it
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Fix the ending, if you can't think of something better just word it better. I mean that really really sucks that that happen, and you say its just a shame? I'd consider it a goddamn heartbreaking look at a domestic problem that seems to happen quite frequently in american households.

It was alright, its nice to see a new user post a song that is actually good for once.
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Old 01-27-2007, 09:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks . I should try to fix the end I'll see what I come up with
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Old 02-11-2007, 11:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
In a very sad sad zoo
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loser View Post
It amazes me the will of instinct
Kurt Cobain.
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Old 02-11-2007, 02:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Correct
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