|
Register | Blogging | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
02-09-2007, 10:10 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 64
|
Phrase of Sensuality, might me rated R lol, not really
I've made different type of lyrics due to variety of emotions then it's only me left me down to this: Sensual Lyric. this song called "Phrase of Sensuality".
You’ve felts your body’s betrayed you as you don’t own yourself anymore Can’t think, can’t talk, can’t feel your feet, the light’s fading as I’m closing the door My lip has answer your prayers as your Skin atones my sins Blow off steams and sweats; Feel the heat surrounded the skin The Moans that’s been heard are deduce as the melody of love The light of city at the window seduces as drunken dance of doves You have the power to heal me; you have the power to purify me You can take what you want because they are to be guaranteed Every song or poem you wrote were from me that inspired you You’ve shown me that face of fears and you let me take it from you Look at the tiles above us and tell me why it’s felts naked? A hickey that you’ve mark me, it just couldn’t be raked You have show me your love and I’ve show you mine Even you were tease lightly but you couldn’t stay mad at the time There was time that you used to think I have used you But I do it due to my love toward you Because you get into the mood and can’t stop writing about your desires I don’t let anyone take you even though they know that abuse can be dire I’ve seen your appearance, it make me want to put you on a display So I can get into the mood without any further delay So many times you’ve blushed when your beauty is what I admire Since your blood are pure and I want to suck it like a vampire When we’re in bed in the morning, we eat fruits that was left from the photo shoot You wanted this to last forever because you will get soothed Yesterday night, the conference’s commotions are surprisingly wild I’ve asked you to stay with me until things get mild It doesn’t matter what you are, even if you are a high school girl Being with an adult like me that has make your life hot like a grill You have shown me love that no one else can make me see You save me from wasting my life away as it does seem Writing lyrics from desires such as virginal imagination I have always reward you kisess with my original dedication I may have found it depriving but my body is calling for you We have tumbled down with luscious sanity and it was purely bestowed too As it has seem that I may be a bundle of deviant desires But it’s something you done when it’s me that you have conspired Maybe you weren’t satisfied with the taste of my cologne and skin tights But it’s barely mean that I have to pleasure you all day and night My desire is your inhumane soul that I enjoy in such struggle IT was mere seduction you have lust for; with such softness cause you to cuddle It’s nothing more than I want, so everything else don’t seem to matter If this atmosphere stay on forever, nothing else than this can be better
__________________
all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future. |
02-10-2007, 12:11 AM | #2 (permalink) | |
Ban Captain Caveman
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
|
Either your failing English class miserably, or English is not your first language, lots of grammar errors. I like the girl/grill rhyme, though the lines themselves weren't good. Sorry, it was hard to judge this because of the terrible grammar.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
02-11-2007, 05:41 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 64
|
Hmm,even though it was edited by my music/english teacher... well, gotta find a new editor then...
Although I've never failed english even though it was my second language.... unless I wrote it as ASL!!! XD
__________________
all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future. Last edited by Kyren Tsunami; 02-11-2007 at 05:50 PM. |
02-12-2007, 03:14 PM | #4 (permalink) |
The Professor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,113
|
To many errors and I couldn't find a good flow or any type of flow in it. I really couldn't pin point the style you have, like most people here use the list style. There are millions of other styles and the one you used isn't any style I remember or any good, just the structure and the grammer need work but other than that I like the ideas you had.
|
02-12-2007, 04:47 PM | #5 (permalink) |
Pepper Emergency!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 493
|
Whatever. I think it's impressive she could write a poem in a second languague, regardless of everything else. While it's not great there must have been a pretty solid amount of effort involved. Keep workin' at it Kyren.
__________________
"Caffeine is so ridiculous right now." RZA
|
02-13-2007, 09:30 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 64
|
well it's in Japanese style of who I admire, the Band group called "Lucifer" write this type of style, well I just some follow the style but but made in different topic as my own, like an example of the lucifer's lyric that is written in thier style:
"Suite Spot" Draw back the curtain, you're our 8 o'clock shadow we've all gathered to watch, so many stories below as your palm and your breastbone slap against the window I pray it would let go and you'd fly I could catch you in the crunch of shattered glass your body, mine at last instead you mock me and you moan like a whore as you stare down the city from the very top floor this lyric was written by Mayu Shino, the lyricist and the manga writer for the lucifer so I believe that stummer521 and Stu are correct though, after I've listen plenty of their songs and I read their lyrics too which I got interest in them, though I've read quite some lyrics they have and it's got me into writing their style.... which is mean I got Mayu shino's style!? XD by the way Stummer521, I'm a guy, not a girl though, sorry to tell you lol
__________________
all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future. |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|