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Old 03-08-2007, 01:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
Alo
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Default rest in peace, you’re done

A guy I knew jumped off a building, I wrote this for him:

I cry for you bravery
Your sadness, your despair
For how you saw no other way
Because your life was so unfair

I imagine you standing at he edge
Clasping the rail tight
Then slowly loosening your grip
Stuck in a moral fight

Then letting go
The jump
The fall
The single thought
‘I’m done’

It’s over now, we’ll cry for you, rest in peace, you’re done.
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Old 03-09-2007, 02:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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you miss spelled the^^^

its pretty good, short and to the point wish there was more imagery though
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Old 03-09-2007, 02:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I like the simpleness, but then again it also seems like it could be a good deal more. I can't explain it.
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Old 03-09-2007, 04:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir View Post
you miss spelled the^^^

its pretty good, short and to the point wish there was more imagery though
Where? If you mean then, it wasn't misspelled, I meant then.

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Originally Posted by Crowquill View Post
I like the simpleness, but then again it also seems like it could be a good deal more. I can't explain it.
I wish it were more, I feel so much more around this all. I just can't seem to put it into words. It just hurts, that he hated himself and his life so much. He was a great guy.
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Old 03-09-2007, 07:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alo View Post
A guy I knew jumped off a building, I wrote this for him:

I cry for you bravery
Your sadness, your despair
For how you saw no other way
Because your life was so unfair

I imagine you standing at he edge
Clasping the rail tight
Then slowly loosening your grip
Stuck in a moral fight

Then letting go
The jump
The fall
The single thought
‘I’m done’

It’s over now, we’ll cry for you, rest in peace, you’re done.
right there, should have pointed it out better
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