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Old 03-09-2007, 10:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What I Sight You And I Saw......Too Bad It Ended

What I Sight You And I Saw......Too Bad It Ended


The trees dance ever so gracefully to the winds elegant music
The leaves scurry across the pathway you and I are walking along
Watching the grass sway making it look like a wave at sea
The sky as clear as the ocean
With pictures in every cloud
Birds chirping, flowers in full bloom
Staring into your crystal like blue eyes
Completes what I’ve been missing
Hoping this spring never ends
If I could trade a sunset for a sunrise
Just to stay here with you
When we went our separate ways
Mother nature was crying her somber song
Every rumble of thunder made a crack in my heart
Every flash of lightning made me think of times once pasted
Every good story has an ending
But this story didn’t have the ending I was hoping for
Ever since that spring in paradise
The trees no longer dance, the grass sways no longer
And the sky is no longer blue
Now walking along the pathway
Was like walking through a wasteland
The stillness of the scenery seems like it was
Taken from a painting
Looking around seeing no green grass, trees bare of leaves, and no flowers
Except for one little section with one flower
And bright green grass surrounding it
As if mother nature was getting ready
To recreate the paradise I once knew.


There is a real deep meaning inside this let's see who can find it.
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Old 03-09-2007, 10:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Some girl moved/broke up with you. You were sad. But it's getting better.
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Old 03-09-2007, 10:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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you guessed it. Also, putting real deep meaning in stuff doesn't help the reader. It's really just a way of saying "I can't really write, so I'll hide all my emotions behind random metaphors and cool images." Which I used to do, but now I've changed. That being said, I love the last two lines.
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Old 03-09-2007, 11:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes View Post
you guessed it. Also, putting real deep meaning in stuff doesn't help the reader. It's really just a way of saying "I can't really write, so I'll hide all my emotions behind random metaphors and cool images." Which I used to do, but now I've changed. That being said, I love the last two lines.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the message in 90% of poems hide behind random metaphors and cool images?
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:12 AM   #5 (permalink)
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well i see a couple diffrent things in there,

a girl moved away but you wish the good days would never end and wish that it could go forever and ever....one of my fav topics so i like it but it needs more something. i just cant say what at the moment
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Old 03-10-2007, 05:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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this one reeks of pathetic fallacy.
to the max.
i dunno, im all for the odd represenation instead of putting it simply, but..
dont overload it.
i know i should have no say in here cause i never ever post anything of my own, but meh.
s'just my take.
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