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Old 07-27-2007, 03:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 18
Default First Song

Is pretty bad but you know w/e. o and its just like a little verse not a complete song
Simple is better
so get out of the water
before you get wetter
it might not make sense
but just go read my letter
youll understand
how you control the weather
(add)
well you take what youve got
and put it on a platter
to serve to the dutchess
of endless wet matter
(add)
but you know its gone
cause its light as a feather
all that remains is
simplicitys better


ill give one hint about it music equals the water.

Last edited by barry2; 07-28-2007 at 10:59 AM. Reason: to explain the reason and add more
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Old 07-28-2007, 05:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Smile

any feedback would be helpful
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Old 07-28-2007, 06:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i liked it... ive never thought of using water that way but it would be sweet to make it into a full song!
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Old 07-28-2007, 09:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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wow..... umm hmmmm i would.....have to say....wow that was pretty good i liked it alot....
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Old 07-28-2007, 10:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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haha no need to lie

nice sig~its a bit wierd though
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Old 07-28-2007, 10:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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no really i like it... its actually really good....some of the stuff i write isn't that good either but that was actually pretty good..
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Old 07-29-2007, 02:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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its okay for a first peice, brush up a bit and it could turn into a gem
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not that old signature
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Old 07-29-2007, 10:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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its my second time attempting to actually write outside of school. In school i didnt care and just rhymed stuff and hoped it made sense....kinda like this actually.

Thanks for the critisim. Im trying to replace a couple lines in the song like the go read my letter.... and the dutchess thing i might just take out.

But heres a uh like a chorus type thing... its kinda stupid but w/e so are some artists lyrics out now too.

Waters on the horizon
Breaking up the sky
watching all the raindrops
hit the ground and die.
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