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Old 10-09-2007, 01:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Treachery Against Existence

Overzealous spawns of Satan
Believing too much
In their own potential

Set a city ablaze
You kill millions
Nothing more gained
Than the blood on your hands

Swindle and steal
Like a dishonorable cretin
Leave a family with nothing
While you swim in an idle and
short lived paradise

You are merely human
Insignificant and powerless

Your reward for devastation
Is an eternity in damnation

Neither gain nor win
You are no God Almighty
And you have no right to life
Be it your own or another

FREEZE!
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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what do you believe in?
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm actually going to give you some advice I think would help, despite the fact that most people tend to ignore your stuff. (Heck, I ignore this forum mostly anyways)

I think you should not end your lines so quick, as well as the verses/stanzas. Experimenting with the order/structure of the song might lead to a more creative appearance - as well, try to move away from cliched or stereotypical imagery. You could portray the same thoughts, but with less expected terms.

Hope this helps.
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Old 10-15-2007, 10:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I agree with the above...

oh, do you like Mushroom Head? Because your lyrics in all your posts are quite similar.
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Old 10-16-2007, 11:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The-Starving-Artless View Post
I'm actually going to give you some advice I think would help, despite the fact that most people tend to ignore your stuff. (Heck, I ignore this forum mostly anyways)

I think you should not end your lines so quick, as well as the verses/stanzas. Experimenting with the order/structure of the song might lead to a more creative appearance - as well, try to move away from cliched or stereotypical imagery. You could portray the same thoughts, but with less expected terms.

Hope this helps.
People have told me this, but I'm still struggling with how to do it. Could you give me some examples?
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Old 10-16-2007, 11:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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having trouble thinking tonight, sort of busy. I'll get around to it tomorrow, though
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