hohoho
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I'm not suggesting you write something that is pornographic but lets get into the details here. What happened, why did it happen, why won't she do these things. And keep it bare. You're not writing a narrative, its still a song, but thats sort of the work involved. Pack a million things into 5 words uniquely and you're halfway home. Do you have any questions for us? |
well i liked it
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Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn
Is not conversational. Never end a sentence with an adjective, unless it's preceded by a derivative of 'to be' (a waitress who was forlorn). Try harder to write lines you can imagine people actually saying, like: Not long ago you were a forlorn waitress Depressed about cleaning that great mess Check out Berklee School of Music Online. They have some awesome songwriting classes. And don't quit writing! You can only improve by practicing. |
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thankyou for that, I much appreciate the helpful reply rather than the 'shoot him down' approach.
As you can see I haven't quite got the nack of songwriting as of yet... I tend to restrain myself from what I really want to write by sticking to a certain narrative that is usually not as good as I intend it to be. But yeah, I'll keep on writing. Nothing will stop me from doing that. It's an expression of self, at the very least. I'm just hoping that one day my lyrics will be appealing to others aswell as myself |
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