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Old 12-21-2007, 08:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 13
Default Something Real

One of the first lyrics I've written.
Please give me pointers on how to make this better(:

[Verse 1]
Sitting at home, thinking of you
I wish you were here tonight.
I want you to know what I would do for you
I just want to hold you tight.

So you'll know

[Verse 2]
Laying in bed, I want to sleep
So I can see you in my dreams.
Never wanting to wake up
Don't want to face reality.

I wish you'd know

[Chorus]
Doesn't matter if it is
Day or night
Dark or light
You will always complete me.

You shine so bright
All through the night
You are the girl of my dreams.

If I had that
One chance
To say how I feel
I hope you
Know that
This is something real.

[Verse 3]
Texting calling talking to you
Means so much to me.
I want to say, I love you
And hear you say it back to me.

So I know

[Verse 4]
Looking at you, I feel different
It's like nobody is around.
Wanting to say the right thing
So I don't feel like a clown

One day you'll see

[Chorus]
Doesn't matter if it is
Day or night
Dark or light
You will always complete me.

You shine so bright
All through the night
You are the girl of my dreams.

If I had that
One chance
To say how I feel
I hope you
Know that
This is something real.
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Old 12-22-2007, 03:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
Ace
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I will try to give this a more thorough review later tonight. For right now, my best advice is to completely get rid of verse 3. I see alot of things that need improvement, and alot of things that have potential once improved.
In the meantime, read the song writing tips on this site, and make some notes for future reference.
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Old 12-22-2007, 09:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Alright thanks(:
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Old 12-23-2007, 12:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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i actually really love this. good job. i dont have much to review about it. i can see it in a song easily.
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Old 12-23-2007, 01:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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(: I hope I can put some chords into this and actually make it into a song haha. Just bad with making chords for lyrics:\ lol
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Old 01-27-2008, 11:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Yeah I see it in a song very easily, too. Nice work
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Old 01-31-2008, 04:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Very typical, I've heard identical lyrics on every any other heartbroken pop song on the radio.
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