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Old 01-06-2008, 03:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default On the Right Track

On the right track
cause brains is what he lack
on the right track
cause he his such a hack

I'm everywhere
going to run this place to hell
right track is a douche
oh well oh well
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Too many rhymes in the first bit...bad.
Hell and well...tut tut

2/10
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I wonder if that poem is about you right track. I mean thats your name and you are a douche
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm flattered.
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Kiss View Post
I wonder if that poem is about you right track. I mean thats your name and you are a douche
Sugar kiss
Its face looks like a jar of piss
Why rhymes with piss and kiss?
Oh how about this
The jizz coming from your father
Last night in joy when he made you scream and holler
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I could see this only working if you kind of did it like circa Survive vibe and filled it in with some awesome solos and more lyrics what you have could be the chores . Keep working on it champ.
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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it sounds like a 6 year old wroteit..
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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maybe a smart 6 year old
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I got lullable visual images from this thread title.
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