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Old 02-12-2008, 08:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
They call me Tundra Boy
 
DontRunMeOver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
Default Its just a flesh wound

Why did you rebel?
You must have known
It could not turn out well
You must have seen
The rocks and bullets fly
Why?
Why?

What result did you expect?
Was your vision
Clouded by pretence?
Did heroism
Kill common-sense?
How
Did you think
That this would end?

Not hard
To predict
Life is not a happy script
Life is not a happy script

Prone
Sprawled across the floor
Wounds
Full of pavement dust
Face
Turned to the sky
I asked you "why?"
You said "because I must"

Not hard
To predict
Life is not a happy script
Life is not a happy script

Peaceful protest
Turning violent
Today's heroes
Become tomorrows tyrants
Righteous hearts
Warped by bitterness and toil
Perhaps it is best
You die today
While your ideals
Are still unspoiled










(Yes, I blatantly stole some ideas from one of Ethan's poems. Bite me!)
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Originally Posted by Katyppfan View Post
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?

Last edited by DontRunMeOver; 02-12-2008 at 09:09 AM.
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Old 02-12-2008, 04:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
Diskobox
 
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Location: vancouver
Posts: 660
Default

I actually really liked this poem, I really liked the style and choice of words as well as the format....very good
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Old 02-17-2008, 11:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
Ban Captain Caveman
 
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
Default

The rhyme was annoyingly bland, and all in all the the poem wasn't excellent contest-wise, though it had a few gems.

The first verse, with the exception of the repetition in the last two lines, is quite nice. The second verse was good. Also, the first half of the third verse (after the first singing of what I think is a chorus) is good.
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What's with people dying? Shit.
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