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Old 09-17-2008, 06:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
Master, We Perish
 
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Default Surell's Rapwriting Journal

I don't like the first half kinda thing, but I feel like it's good enough to put up. (also, I put "major flow" in a line which reminds me of periods and that's icky :[). I feel like it's kinda generic too. Anyway, here it is, opinions are welcome and wanted:

Iím a bad man
Iím always around when the **** hits the fan
My domination is a worldwide span
I donít think I can, I know I can
What can I do?
Everything better than you
Canít touch this dude
Iíll eat you up like food
Youíre not even a challenge
Youíll get ripped up with the talons
You know itís profound when
You get hit with the rhymes from the master
Like a rabbit but faster
Louder than any ghetto blaster
But I can back my **** up, I doubt your skill
Itís weaker than the shell of a pill
My rhymes kill
Kinda like an acid spill
Donít try to stop it, just stand still
Sit back and chill and let your head get filled
Enough of this ill ****
Even though I only do ill spit
Then I toss your **** in the lionís pit
Let it get ripped
While I sit back and enjoy the show
If there were a rap army Iíd be Major Flow
Youíd be Captain So-So
And Iíd still get dough
Away I stow
Into the heart of the streets
Stayin awake to the ways of the world, Ďcause **** is deep
Deep as in six feet
I donít even wanna hear you speak
Unless spoken to, but maybe not even then
Get used to fear, make it your friend
Because rough times are comin around the bend
Itíll hit you so hard itíll break your glass chin
And itíll make you spin, like the earth
I donít know if you know but Iíve been mad since birth
I mean crazy, not in the sense of irked
I wanna fly out of here like a bird
This world is quite absurd
Sometimes I find itís not worth dirt
Iíve gone quite off topic with this rap, have I not?
But I think itís immature to talk about my knot
Or how Iím gonna get that number one spot
Why do I always go against what I was taught?
Itís just a thought, though
Greasy like an afro
My songs get mixed up like an ADD Maestroís
I think we should end on a good note
Letís not rock the boat
I want to keep it afloat
I donít wanna build a wall or a mote
Itís how the greatest have been lost
And I want to be one of the greatest that donít get lost
And Iíd like to be flossed out
Not grimy or mossed out
But itís just a dream for me, I guess
Feelin like a mess, and Iíve never smoked the sess
It drives mother****ers into a pool of cess
So I think Iíll put an end to this track
But not by telling you Iím the ****in mac
Or even that your girl is gonna get smacked
I just wanna tell you that Iím praying for peace
Because I canít handle any more hate in the streets.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhateverDude View Post
Laser beams, psychedelic hats, and for some reason kittens. Surrel reminds me of kittens.
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits
Spoiler for guess what:
|i am a heron i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

Last edited by Surell; 09-17-2008 at 10:54 PM.
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Old 09-18-2008, 03:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Surell View Post
Iíve gone quite off topic with this rap, have I not?
But I think itís immature to talk about my knot
Or how Iím gonna get that number one spot
Why do I always go against what I was taught?
I don't really like that part....

But other than that I thought it was pretty f*cking baller.
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Old 09-18-2008, 08:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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That was probably my favorite part of the song, at least, I like how it turned from there. But thanks, I'm a little unsure about this song, but I really kinda wrote it off the head.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhateverDude View Post
Laser beams, psychedelic hats, and for some reason kittens. Surrel reminds me of kittens.
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits
Spoiler for guess what:
|i am a heron i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
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Old 09-20-2008, 01:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
I don’t even wanna hear you speak
Unless spoken to, but maybe not even then
hahaha.

It's pretty good to just write off the top of your head.
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Old 09-22-2008, 07:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thank you good sir, I did kinda write what popped in mah thinker, except for maybe a couple of instances.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhateverDude View Post
Laser beams, psychedelic hats, and for some reason kittens. Surrel reminds me of kittens.
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits
Spoiler for guess what:
|i am a heron i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
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Old 09-23-2008, 04:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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****ing ace man better than a lot of the **** on the radio
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What? No. No. No. No no no.
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Old 09-23-2008, 09:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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meh
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Old 09-24-2008, 03:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I've looked at this for like 5 days trying to figure out what to say... well. It's got attitude. Attitude is good. Rhymes are decent. Flow is all right, could be better in parts, like where you talk about going off topic. On the whole, 7/10
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Old 09-24-2008, 07:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
Master, We Perish
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 15Steps View Post
meh
Your opinion was the only one I cared about. ;_;

Booze: Thanks, and yeah, I thought the flow was a little messy in some spots, probably the main thing I didn't like about it. But thanks for the rating and criticism, helps me out a good bit.

Hey, pimp smilies.

I might have more stuff up later, I dunno.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhateverDude View Post
Laser beams, psychedelic hats, and for some reason kittens. Surrel reminds me of kittens.
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits
Spoiler for guess what:
|i am a heron i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
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Old 09-25-2008, 02:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
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No problem. Now be a sport and review some of mine :p haha.
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