KaneFails

This letter is to whom it may concern.
I've made the greatest discovery for the struggling bards,
For those hungry for fame,
For those who won't live with a shard,
For those who want a famous name.
Listen closely, for its a little absurd.

[Chorus]
In order for the paper to fall,
We need to settle for familiarity.
A song about the girl who pinned your heart to the wall
A song about the boy who couldn't resist Katie
In order for the paper to fall,
We need to settle for unoriginality.

Like I told you, it was a little absurd
Take a little time to let the situation sink in
The colorblind masses can't seem to see it
Realize that we cannot win
Realize that we'll join them when we're beaten
Try as we might, the result is something we can't avoid.

[Chorus]

This letter is signed sincerely by anonymous
And you may be asking, "Who is he?"
He's another victim to this shameless game
And he refused to give in to their greed,
Only to be smacked into a state of lame
And now for the post script:
Please let this letter not send you down this path
Or else you will suffer the ordinary's wrath.


(I despise the second verse, in case if you're wondering. But I can't figure out a way to make it seem somewhat decent. Any suggestions?

Verse Chorus Verse formula = </3)

FaSho

Dude I thought this was ****ing great.

What genre were you going for?

__________________

KaneFails

Thanks FaSho. At first, I actually considered this to be a Hardcore song. But, now after going over it, I really think it fits more into Rock than the former. =\

FireInCairo

A-B-C-B-C-A is a nice structure.
the structure in the chorus could use a little jazzing up to avoid predictability.

__________________
O G MUDBONE: Only You can prevent forest fires.

FaSho

Just reading over it it seemed like a screamo/hardcre song, but actually looking at the lyrics and flow and such it seems like a pretty good alternative track

__________________

KaneFails

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll see what I can do about it sometime.

WendyCal

Excellent work! My suggestions for the second verse:

Like i said, it's more than a little absurd
Take some time to let the situation sink in
The colorblind masses can't conceptualize it
Realize that we cannot win
++ > ( Come to grips with the fact we'll be beaten ) <
OR > (Understand we'll be [them / fused] OR (coalesce) -- when we're beaten) <
Try though we might, the outcome is something we can't avoid.

If you need any help figuring out what i meant, just PM me.

Hope this helps!

KaneFails

Thanks for the suggestions, Wendy. I really like what you did here. I really appreciate it.

WendyCal

My pleasure! i hope you make MILLION$$$!!!

KaneFails

Oh, please. I'd never take my songwriting skillz to the mainstream. I'd never be able to write what I want to say. Instead I'd always be writing the same thing over and over again. :P

Indie > Mainstream amirite?

Oh, and here's a hopefully better chorus:
Creativity won't make the paper fall,
Unoriginality is the answer!
A song about the boy who took you for a fool
Revolutionary won't get you anywhere,
So write a song about how she kicked you in the family jewels
Familiarity will get your name written in history's halls.