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Old 01-20-2009, 04:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 41

Originally Posted by aveneficus View Post
I liked this a lot.
I have only one suggestion:
In the last line of the third stanza, possibly changing the word 'like' to 'as'.
It keeps the same meaning, but I feel like it flows a bit better.
Just a suggestion, good work. to as.
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Old 01-24-2009, 05:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 14

i like this structure and the rhyming works well. it does seem a bit short though. i think a fourth and maybe fifth stanza could finish it up pretty well.
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