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Old 01-15-2009, 07:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
Default my 1st real written down freestyle all comments welcome

like most of you im sure you use ur words to express whats going on in ur life and everything plays a big impact on what we say.

this is my life but you control it
took my heart and ****in stole it
nvr asked you to loan it
i pleaded for you to own it
bitch please lets jsut get on wid it
the feelings u hid
the things you wish you did
just screaming
hey lets be kids
lets get on with our lives
and party till five
bounce girl to girl
while you bounce guy to guy
did you see me cry?
all i did was love you
believe these dreams would come true
yell and scream at you
but how can i be mad at you?
im not strong enough to be by myself
just wishing youd help me
and give me the **** needed to be
on this earth and not be cursed
to be miserable
instead help me make these thoughts probable
these horrible thoughts and pain is stopable
so baby please
help me
before i scream before i wail
before you got to pay bail
make this love prevail
like the past year and three months
i only hurt you once
but what do you do?
you laugh and you tell me all this **** i dont do
tell me i do nothing and that im a ***got too
but whos the loser now when u see u ran me to the ground?
the person u say u love and claimed that were bound?
do you even care
do you even fear
do u wish u wer near?
wish youd kiss me
i wish youd see how much ud miss me
for this to be over
means for me to be over
6foot dirt hole pushin flowers
so when you see me on your block
with my glock
dont you stop
just run and be happy
leave me here feeling crappy
your moods wer always snappy
boucning back and foutyh like a kangaroo
what the **** do you want to do?
u always swear and reassure
that your my angel my cure.
so how come it all seams like a blur?
i know for sure
that if you could ud go back in time
nvr met me and wasted your time.
who would u of been if u didnt meet me
doesnt that scare you?
love doesnt come for free
dreams dont come true just cuz you say so
im about 99% sure someday you gonna tell me to go
would u of been a hoe?
would u of been the show?
be the girl that everyone knows?
i thought you enjoyed being my girl
but now im on a tilt o wirl
and im about to hurl
you opened my eyes to reality
its all just ****ing insanity
put me back to sleep
go meet your self some ***got ****ing creep.

okay for a 1st attempt?
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Old 01-15-2009, 07:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
Master, We Perish
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Havin a good time, rollin to the bottom.
Posts: 3,704

I'd say it wasn't too bad, especially for a first try. Good job, friendo. I think this belongs in the Song writing section though.
Originally Posted by WhateverDude View Post
Laser beams, psychedelic hats, and for some reason kittens. Surrel reminds me of kittens.
^if you wanna know perfection that's it, you dumb shits
Spoiler for guess what:
|i am a heron i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
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Old 01-15-2009, 07:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 41

That is really good...ESPECIALLY for a first attempt.

Yeah, that bitch stole your heart gave it herpes, then dowsed it wit gasoline and set it ablaze, fool. I hate rap...but yeah it is a good read. I KNOW you pist off DAWG! yep, I'm just being an idiot. Forgive my fun.

Good job on the first try.
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