Rawrbabble

i took a break from writing and this was my first attempt back, i wrote this at like 11:30 last night

Verse
It seems another chapter in the book of life written
Redemption has come, it rains down upon us
Composure is never seen, and thanks is never given.

Chorus
The serpent is here, screaming your final days are near
And I will never forget you.
With eyes closed tight, I bleed out the light
The light of your heart, ended by darkness so stark
And I will never forget you.

Verse
Choose your path well
Consequences will forever ring the bell.
She may be considered fallacy
But I will never commit apostasy
Forever you will speak, even though you seem to trail off…

Chorus
The serpent is here, screaming your final days are near
And I will never forget you.
With eyes closed tight, I bleed out the light
The light of your heart, ended by darkness so stark
And I will never forget you.

more will probably be added later on, but this is just my 'theme' for this song

__________________
No. Your Wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong. I always win, unless i get into a argument with my best friend...then she wins...she ALWAYS wins

primo

I like it - you've communicated a bittersweet feel (dying/sacrificing for love) and it's visual-evoking. Maybe I haven't read into it well enough but the lyrics aren't that specific so I can't really offer any constructive feedback. What genre is this meant to be?

Rawrbabble

Yeah, the lyrics are meant to be kinda vagueish and have a abstract feeling behind them. This is going to be a metal song. The band i'm in, and wrote this for has been said to sound like Parkway Drive. But the music we are working on for this song is really spacey sounding. And i like to say this song has a double meaning to it. you guessed the first one(sorta) lets see if you people can figure out the second one.

__________________
No. Your Wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong. I always win, unless i get into a argument with my best friend...then she wins...she ALWAYS wins

someonecompletelyrandom

My thoughts - good. I generally try to stay away from books and serpents and darkness/light stuff because I find it a little cliche/cheesy. Not saying that's always the case, the music you described seems like the lyrics would really fit. You write waaay better then I do at 11:30... which for some reason is the only time I feel like writing

Rawrbabble

lol...this is so fuuunnny...i remember way back in the day when i wrote this song and why i wrote this song, anyways this is one of my very early attempts of song writing...look at the sad ima cut myself emo i was back then. Rips this one apart kids, for i see the cliche remarks acoming

My life is like a lie
Why do you act surprised?
The silent suppression of dreams,
The constant sight of fake smiles,
The bleeding of the soul,
The crying of the heart,
And difficulties being to start
Hearing this was the hardest part
As I walk away and pull the door
It’s me, sitting, bleeding, silent on the floor.
This love, it screams no more
The day has come to restart,
to refresh the batteries, rewind and take it all apart
it’s time to go back to the beginning and realize my fault
close your eyes, shut them tight
take my hand, and together we walk alone
we walk ‘till the end of this stone
we walk ‘till all is known
we walk, for nothing is known

__________________
No. Your Wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong. I always win, unless i get into a argument with my best friend...then she wins...she ALWAYS wins