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Old 04-02-2010, 09:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
16, so?
 
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South Africa
Posts: 630
Default My first attempt at lyrics

A the title says, I have put together a few songs with my drummer and now we need some lyrics.

The music is black metal, drawing influences from Emperor to Drudkh, Fen to Summoning.

The lyrics are a problem though as I have no idea what the hell I am writing. Any tips and pointers appreciated. Thanks

1. Untitled #1

I stand upon the hillside,
Winds blowing from the north,
Bringing hordes of hell,
Death is near!...

They trample through the forest beneath,
Unaware as to what lay in wait,
Savages in their thousands,
Never to return home again.

They lay strewn upon the slopes,
Sacrificed for others greed,
Not knowing of glory,
Only of hope.

There souls, engulfed by the foliage,
Decaying the weak,
The forest is my kingdom,
The only loyal survivor.

I Stand victorious,
Basking in her beauty,
A the sun shines through the trees,
Continuing on my endless path.
Never to begin.

2. Untitled #2

I wander this path,
Greeting the dawns
And cursing the nights.
It freezes the soul,
But fries the mind,
I have no direction,
Yet I am determined,
To reach it, somehow...

With each succesive stride,
Roads extend
Gaps open and close in the trees,
Glimmers of hope and destruction filter through.

Completion is neither,
Further nor nearer,
But that will suffice,
I have walked the distance,
Objective complete.

Never have i wanted to leave the path,
But it doesn't want me to stay.
I am optionless,
The forks multiplying with each new day,
Until they disappear in the evening fog.

The winds cannot be trusted, nor the forest.
They lay in wait,
For my first wrong step, wrong turn,
To perfection.

3. Iron Genocide

The fires rage on,
Forests decemated by the furnace,
Slaves excivate the world's insides,
Cut out her heart,
Chop off her head,
No remorse for our Mother.
She is dead....

The factories grow exponentially,
Flooding across England,
Like the Black Plague,
Infecting the masses,
Brain-washing their minds.

The growth of Bristol,
The growth of London,
The growth,
It is the beginning of de-humanisation,
Millions, enthsed to destroy,
A world which survived millenia before...

This is the Iron Genocide,
Slef-inflicted daggers,
Killing off the souls,
But the zombies still live,
Roaming the roads and stations,
Content with their own death,
They know it not yet!
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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First of all, I'd to compliment you on being one of the only people I've ever seen posting lyrics in here who is actually an active participant on the rest of the forum.

Anyway, as far as the lyrics go I think what you have are perfectly fine for black metal lyrics. That's okay if that's the path you want to take, but personally I'd love to see some black metal lyrics that violate the thematic confines of the genre.
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Old 04-02-2010, 10:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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song by song:

untitled 1- this one doesn't seem metaphorical, if that's what you were going for. It's also pretty cheesy but it's black metal so... cheesy doesn't exist. Aside from that, nice rhyme and alliteration and everything.

untitled 2- this one seems VERY metaphorical, and somewhat deep. There's nothing unexpected though, so it kind of looses momentum. A few revisions and you have an epic.

iron genocide- No offense, but you sound like captain planet (you might wanna degreenifi the song)... Aside from that, nice lyrics! I mean, I see everything you'd require out of lyrics or poetry...

Last edited by The Bullet; 04-02-2010 at 10:21 AM.
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Old 04-02-2010, 11:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janszoon View Post
First of all, I'd to compliment you on being one of the only people I've ever seen posting lyrics in here who is actually an active participant on the rest of the forum.

Anyway, as far as the lyrics go I think what you have are perfectly fine for black metal lyrics. That's okay if that's the path you want to take, but personally I'd love to see some black metal lyrics that violate the thematic confines of the genre.
Thanks haha, well it s my first time posting here
I know they are pretty confined to the label of BM but I find it hard enough writing that, never mind defying the laws of the corpsepaint.

Thanks for your comments Bullet! Appreciated.
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