Melodybaka

Wow these song sure are really good. You should definitely show the singing version I bet it be really nice song.

ThePhanastasio

Thank you!

I'm really not a great guitarist, but I do record a little bit everyday. Eventually, I'll probably decide that something I've played is good enough to be uploaded and shared - until then, it'll stay all secret on my hard drive!

someonecompletelyrandom

Are these your first rap lyrics? If so, you did a good job! I liked these.

But I will say they lacked lyricism. And that these days is what earns a rapper the most respect. Since rapping, is after all, a form of spoken word, and often the most prominate part of the music - your lyrics and your mechanics are very important.

When you write your next verse, keep in mind these tools.

Multis (aka multisylablic ryhmes) - a ryhme with 2 or more syllables.

Internal ryhmes - is a rhyme that occurs in a single line.

Feminine rhyme - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hoping to hear much more.

ThePhanastasio

Thank you Conan! I just really noticed that you commented, and I apologize for the (extremely) belated response.

I'm trying to work on internal rhymes and combos a lot, but I'm still not very good at it - and yes, those were definitely my first completed rap lyrics! I did make some Doctor Seuss-esque rhyming things for acting class presentations previously, but nothing at all serious.

My good friend does a lot of DJing, (he's worked with sound mixing and such since he was 13 and he's 20 now) and I'm thinking about working with him to just mess around and see if anything comes of the music.

Dirty

You ever gonna actually record rap stuff do you think? Cause if so I'll follow up on what Conan said a little bit and throw some really good pointers your way. I make raps and one area i really excel where a lot of people don't is transitioning between rhyme schemes. But I don't wanna waste time explaining it if you don't really give a ****

ThePhanastasio

Whoa, sorry man - I neglected this journal and didn't see that you'd responded. And yes, I'm looking for pointers for my rap lyrics, for sure.

***

This isn't rap lyrics; it's the reason I actually came back to this thread - I finished a song, wrote the music and everything and am kind of pleased with it, but I'm not ready to post a link yet...

2011 Zarathustra

Just another book to throw into the fire
They call you a heretic; you call them all liars
Uncovering the truth should be the best relief you've had
But when you go to tell them, you just feel that it's useless

Come down from the mountain now
You'll find closure somehow
You want to tell them God is dead

Day after day, living on, moving onwards
The things you know now just will not disperse
A nagging suspicion, then it became knowing
Facts piled up, and now you just want relief

Come down from the mountain now
You'll find closure somehow
You want to tell them God is dead

Now you're alone
It's over
Smile once
Walk away
Walk away

Come down from the mountain now
You'll find closure somehow
You want to tell them God is dead

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ThePhanastasio

Freestyle Bull Ish.

You're rapping subliminal, spittin' material
But you think that I'm just gonna sit here inferior
But I sit and I rhyme and I flow on a dime
And your jaw drops in awe - as I flow you withdraw
And you bow your head down like I'm some kinda god
Just excuse it, abuse it, this god given gift
As I lay down this rhymes, like a stone monolith
I'm unbreakable. Damn near unforsakeable.
You try to unwind and withdraw from the flow
But I shake you all off; I cannot flow so slow
And the beats in between and the beats far beyond
Are the beats that my rhymes and my words flow upon
It's unbelieveable. You're still shakin' your head
'Cause this ****'s inconceiveable.
But I go, and I rhyme, and I flow in your face
Your inferiority stares in your face
So don't try.
If you come up against me, you'll know you're not fly
And I'm dope. Dope as the headies
That fill up your trope...or your trap.
Whatever, my flavor's on tap; drink it up.
I'm through with this ****, and your flavor is weak
Just pick up the mic, make yourself obsolete.

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ThePhanastasio

Something I've been working on. It's not there yet, and it's not finished, but I thought I'd post what I have so far. If I wasn't a lazy douche, I'd post the chords, too, because that's what I'm writing with. There's some kind of C chord, B7, regular C, G, Am, and D at the end of two phrases with the G...eh.

Untitled
She said, "Baby, you're a star,"
"But even stars burn out."
I kind of tried
To tune her out
And Lonely is the worst
Place to take your friends
And I kind of wish I knew
How this is gonna end

Cause we're all together in denial
We've been here for quite a while
It'll be some time 'til we break free
So trust in you, I'll trust in me
Together is a lie.

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NumberNineDream

They're all beautiful. I hope you'll sum up the courage or some assurance or something, to post the sung version some day.

Maybe after some drunk MBing..

__________________

ThePhanastasio

Haha! Thanks.

I actually just finished recording four songs - two originals for which the lyrics are in this thread, and two (really awful) covers.

I hate my voice, my guitar playing is quite awful, and I cannot master the tracks to sound halfway decent to save my life...and I'm still debating posting it up. Maybe if I get drunk tonight, lol.

__________________

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