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Old 09-01-2010, 05:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My song lyrics

This is a thread for some of my lyrics I write. I don't play music and I can't sing though. So they're just lyrics and nothing else.

Here's the newest song I wrote, it's not the best song I've ever written, but I think it's alright,

You Don't Care and I Don't Care

I've always taught myself not to care what people say.

I've always taught myself that they don't matter anyway.

What you say and what you think, it does not bother me.

I know you think it hurts, but it doesn't, can't you see.



You don't care, you don't care, you don't care, and I don't care

You don't care, you dont' care, and you when you need me, I won't be there.



Sometimes I feel all alone, sometimes I feel so unknown.

But I know I'm better off that way.

Just me, myself, I.

It's gonna be that way till the day I die



You don't care, you don't care, you dont' care, and I don't care

You don't care, you don't care, and when you need me, you won't find me anywhere



And I know some day you're going to care,

I know someday you'll need me there

But it's too late, and I don't care anymore



You don't care, you don't care, you don't care,at all.

I don't care, I dont' care, and I know one day you'ge gonna fall

You dont' care, you don't care, but someday you'll need me there

I dont' care, I dont' care, I'm already gone.
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi anti-war,

I like the topic of your song lyrics, but I feel the word "care" is used so often that it becomes distracting to me. I recommend omitting some of the repetitions of "you don't care, you don't care, you don't care," and maybe just say, "you don't care."

Also, there is one part of the message that I'm not sure about. While reading the first stanza, I thought the song was going to be an ironic song describing how someone who claims he or she doesn't care for someone else actually does care. Then at the end it seemed as if the song really *is* about someone who doesn't care and so has made himself/herself unavailable when the person who initially rebuffed the friendship now needs him/her.

If the song is supposed to be a sad one, showing that the person has hurt himself or herself by no longer caring, then I recommend you make that clearer. The fact that the person states so often that he or she doesn't care makes me think he or she really *does* care. Is the message of your song supposed to be that when one person rebuffs another, then the hurt person becomes emotionally hard and unmoved, which will then affect a 3rd person in the same way, and so on and so on?
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Old 09-02-2010, 11:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hi anti-war,

I like the topic of your song lyrics, but I feel the word "care" is used so often that it becomes distracting to me. I recommend omitting some of the repetitions of "you don't care, you don't care, you don't care," and maybe just say, "you don't care."

Also, there is one part of the message that I'm not sure about. While reading the first stanza, I thought the song was going to be an ironic song describing how someone who claims he or she doesn't care for someone else actually does care. Then at the end it seemed as if the song really *is* about someone who doesn't care and so has made himself/herself unavailable when the person who initially rebuffed the friendship now needs him/her.

If the song is supposed to be a sad one, showing that the person has hurt himself or herself by no longer caring, then I recommend you make that clearer. The fact that the person states so often that he or she doesn't care makes me think he or she really *does* care. Is the message of your song supposed to be that when one person rebuffs another, then the hurt person becomes emotionally hard and unmoved, which will then affect a 3rd person in the same way, and so on and so on?
Okay, as for repeating the word care too much, I'll have to get around to fixing that sometime.

And as for the meaning of the song.
It's that, the person doesn't care about me at all and they want nothing to do with me, so I'm saying I don't care (even though I do), but then in the end, that person will decide that they need me and they do care, but it will be too late.
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Old 09-06-2010, 09:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I wrote his back in June

Where's The Love Gone?

Where's love the gone in this world?
All I see is hatred and violence.
Where's the love gone in this world?
All I see is anger and sorrow.
You think violence is a solution for all the problems.
You'd kill everyone just cause they don't agree with you.
A petty argument and you'll blow up the world.
Every little issue, it means death for you.
Where's the love gone?
A never ending war, been going on for 9 years.
You tell me it's not a war anymore,
Then what do you call it?
It's just their solution for everything going on.
Kill everyone=Problem over.
Where's the love gone?
So you abuse to take your anger out?
Why is it others are hurt for your own trouble?
Why is it you kill from your own drunken anger?
Where's the love gone?
I think it ran away.
Hatred's taken over.
Our hearts are turning grey.
Where's the love gone?
Go search until you can find it.
If you can find it, I think the world needs some.
Where's the love gone?
Where's the love gone in this world?
It ran astray, the violence has scared it away.
No where to be found, it won't even make a sound.
Where has the love gone?
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Old 09-06-2010, 10:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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^ Iraq war? I like the feel of that song, but I can't help but feel it's been covered a lot. And since it's a very simple structure, it doesn't stand out too much. The imagery is very simplistic, as is the vocabulary. This is great for getting feelings, emotions, and messages across, but it sacrafices the factor that makes poerty timeless: craft. Of course, I haven't heard the song sung. That's an entirely new element because the composition itself can carry that arty weight (or vice versa).

A little more development in that department and these are good to go. I enjoyed reading, thanks for posting and keep it up.
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dylanist View Post
^ Iraq war? I like the feel of that song, but I can't help but feel it's been covered a lot. And since it's a very simple structure, it doesn't stand out too much. The imagery is very simplistic, as is the vocabulary. This is great for getting feelings, emotions, and messages across, but it sacrafices the factor that makes poerty timeless: craft. Of course, I haven't heard the song sung. That's an entirely new element because the composition itself can carry that arty weight (or vice versa).

A little more development in that department and these are good to go. I enjoyed reading, thanks for posting and keep it up.
Thanks for the criticism, for real, cause it helps.

And thanks for the comments too.
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we'd like to hear you sing
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:10 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Dylanist View Post
I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we'd like to hear you sing
Noooooooooooooooooooo.

I already said, I don't have music for my lyrics, I can't sing, and I can't play instruments.
I just write lyrics, and also hope people will use my lyrics.
So far I have one band that wants to use my lyrics sometime in the future.
Who knows when.

You would cry if you heard me sing, and not for a good reason either.
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