ParadoxQ

Hey guys, got some lyrics here that I want you to read. Writing about a lot of different themes, and I just want some tips here and there on how I could become better. 17 years old still :c all the lyrics are copyrighted to myself.

This song is unfinished for now, but I have this project and it has to be done soon. Tell me what you think about it : )

Verse 1:

Death is the end
of the life that we know

but the journey is long
and our time needs control

sinking and waiting for
time to pass by

losing those moments
we cry for at nights

when we're not in our shell
but out to explore

it's rivers of tears
through an open heart door

ruins and waste
of the memories we know

blinded by pain so low

chorus:

Honor and salute the being of all

Stand upside down on buildings so tall

Time to collapse and stay in for a while

Praise all your loved ones combined

verse2:

It's rain when I'm happy
and sun when I'm down

It's colors and rainbows
when I'm out of town

The wind is blowing left
when I'm walking to the fight

the day is lurking on it's theft
to steal from the night

------------------------------------

And I've got nothing more. For now. The song is about how it is to lose a person you love very much, and how everything feels like it's pushing you down at the exact same time. The theme has been written about many, many times, but I look at it as an important theme, and I tried to do my spin on how to tell it. Tell me what you think guys! : )

ParadoxQ

Yo, I got this song that I'm writing. It's called "Latina Language"

Verse1

Your latina language
your body complex with
spanish señorita moves that's making you groove

smoke on the dance floor
your body can't take more
when you're feeling it move

"chorus"1

you come to me and you ask
are you ready for your nights task
I nod frequently sequently
stay with me, savior me-e-e-e (fade)

verse2

all lights are fading
favours are trading
the talk is off the walk is on the steam is on top

Hips that are whispering
lips that are kissing
the girl you've been with all night long is making you drop

"chorus"2

she's gone a long way to ask
if I'm ready or if she's too fast
we're dissapearing into the sheets
relating to the beats not gonna sleep tonight, no-o (fade)

ParadoxQ

Also making a song with some friends that are called something with "union" in its' name : p dno yet tho. it goes like this


verse1 (me)

Some nights I don't know what to say
so I pick up pen and paper and write away
On tides of power we're here to stay
through it all and scribble a story that contains

verse2 (friend 1)

Whenever we are far apart
I bring your music with my heart
Because I wish for a new start
I wont fall, cause I remeber what remains

Chorus

Nothing yet, working on it

verse3 (me + friend 2)

If i feel lonely as i very often do
I know that i can always find you
I care so much you know that MY STAR
Everytime i sweep you gently my lovely guitar

ParadoxQ

Here's a rap song I wrote that also has a hook I wrote. I haven't really rapped anything in my life other then sitting at home or rapping for fun with my friends, but I thought I'd give it a go. The lyrical scheme is nearly the same even tho you need more flow in rap for it to be successful.

CHORUS:
No more simpler than that, no more simpler then her
No more simpler than him, let me talk, talk, talk to you sir

No more simpler than that, no more simpler then her
No more simpler than him, let me talk, talk, talk to you girl

VERSE (RAP):
I’m not here to run your life or story,
Run how you get things or run your floor,
You’re always in my way when I’m not in yours,
Just move far away, fly out that door

And in the end we’re all the same
We’re all the same colored face in the frame
We all have feelings, we all have shame
We’re all the same, the same to blame

There are no expectations for your dictations,
For your relations with the same dictators,
The same mistake without a clue
Of learning about something new
Something new to find out why
How you can make it, have a new try

CHORUS:

VERSE(RAP):
I saw a boy in the streets
Messy, bloody threw out with his sheets
Threw out with his only chance in life
His chance transformed just over the night
What do we do and what do we see
When a bum of a boy walks over to see
To see me, smell me, ask me why
Why his only chance in life was a lie

I’m a little sad everyday
With so many fractions it’s always a different way
A different way to let out all the rage
A different way to let tears waste
We’re not the same; we’ve never been the same
I’ve never tried to claim my so-called name
A feeling so deep it’s hard to renew
I’m glad I got the chance to watch this view

ParadoxQ

Song based on a friends experience. Not finished yet tho.

Verse 1

I gave you a chance to make up for your mistakes
Gave you a second chance but you didn't change
lent you my heart to play with and modify
you sent it back cut open and ripped apart

my mistakes was so gracious
made the time set delay on us

blue turned black and the clouds went ahead
drifted away with the wind to a destination that was set

ParadoxQ

A simple song about feelings and regrets. One of many I really enjoy playing. It's called SSS (Secret Safe Sand)

Verse 1

I know what I have done
I know all my wrongs
I know all my troubled speeches
Only if I could reach this

Pre Chorus

And the problem is that it’s far, far away
In a wonderland that’s not here today

Chorus

It hurts so bad, but I gotta let it go
Gotta let the oceanwaves of hatred flow
Gotta make my self understand
Gotta bury it all, in my secret safe sand

Verse 2

I know what I should do
I know what I should say to you
Greet you with hello
And wave you farewell

Pre chorus:

Chorus: x1

Pre chorus:

Chorus: x1

VEGANGELICA

ParadoxQ,

This short song in the works is the one in your thread that grabbed my interest the most. I like it because of these two lines: "My mistakes were so gracious" (or maybe you meant "my mistake was so gracious") and, "Blue turned black and the clouds went ahead."

I feel the part about the heart ripped open and sent back sounds melodramatic and a little cliche since so many songs talk about attacks on the cardiovascular system, but "gracious mistakes" sounds very human and real to me. Loving someone openly *is* gracious, since it could always end up to be a mistake in the sense that the love is unreciprocated. Loving is giving without the promise of receiving, which makes it gracious. I felt your word choice was perfect.

I also feel "Blue turned black" is an effective (and colorful!) metaphor for the feeling of sadness turning to despondency, which is my interpretation. Elsewhere in your lyrics, you are very straight-forward with your feelings, such as when you state, "I feel lonely all the time" or "it hurts so much" or similar expressive lyrics. I like "blue turned black" because I feel it has more reserve and poetry in it. It reminds me of a bruise changing colors as well as of the shift in emotions after one has been hurt.

I don't know what "made the time set delay on us" means!

I'm not sure of the rhythm of your intended song, but I am wondering how well the syllables flow, because after reading the following two lines as poetry I wished to make changes to even them up:

Your wrote:

I found myself wanting fewer syllables in the second line, like this:

"blue turned black and the clouds went ahead,
drifting with the wind to destinations that were set."

I'd like to see what happens with your lyrics for this song when you are done with it!

__________________

ParadoxQ

Ah, thanks VEGANGELICA! You made my day man

Yup, I really enjoy writing that song, and some of the lines could be a bit melo dramatic. I'm still really new to the song writing process (as I have normally written short texts and stuff like that, in my mothers language, norway) and I'm gladly open for constructive critism.

"made the time set delay on us" is how he's love is setting delay on the relationship by saying he loves her, for example. She feels bad and can't break up with him, thus leading to this evil and dark love circle. This is why I set "Blue turned black and the clouds went ahead" into the text as well. I will finish it, and I also got a lot of inspiration coming from everywhere now, so it should be cool! also got beautiful weather outside, haha.

Thanks again for the reply, loved it! I'll post the song up when I'm done with it and you can take a look at it again!

ParadoxQ

yo, wrote this new song that i'mma play public this summer around in the streets


"Busking / crowd song"

verse1:

I've been making an upsong
for the crowd to sing

to please your ears
and make some cash in my bing

playing in the heat
under the open sky

some people laugh
and others stay clapping for a while


tryin'a get a job
to earn a buck this vacation

failing every time
turn to the street for music playing

hoping to do good
so I can keep on doing nothing

but playing and make love happen

chorus:

cuz you're my crowd
you're the people showing it loud
keeping attention, complementing, making the dream happen
hoping to get by this summer
with more experience for new songs to unfold
cuz you're THE crowd

verse2:

got no school, girlfriend
hobbies or job

just an audience
who's dancing in front of me now

smiling and pulling
the strings of my love

playing her in public
like nothing before


as the sun drops down
and the moon shows up

there's lighters and fires
surrounding my cup

some smiling, some crying
some touched by the mood

feeling as intended
when I'm getting my groove

ParadoxQ

bump, anything you guys think about it?