Rawest rap battles thread

[Surell]

I never said you were jokin kid, I said you were a joke
Try doin this **** till you're 80 and I guarantee you die broke
Stylistically anonymous no one wants to hear you bloke
But could they even hear you the way Em's dick got you choked
Keep actin froggy my glock'll ensure that you'll croak
Send lead through your windpipe and take the last drag off a roach
Marx might have some critique for your rhymes, they so rote
Like a gingerbread man, in sea of milk and a hole in the boat
Take note, cuz you're gonna sink and come nose to nose
With the Gawd, your arms crumbled, brain eaten, along with any hope

[Surell]

OH and by the way why are you always ridin a pimp's jock
Watchin my journals readin my shit probably caressing my silky lock
Nah I see you since my game's on lock you just gotta send shots
To cope with the fact that I'm reppin what you're not
I'm handsome and I'm wealthy and the hoes follow in flocks
Like I'm Christ with the crown of thorns posted on the cross
Poor you try poppin bottles lookin like somethin from Eli Roth
Cry from three eyes holdin a photo of dudes playin lacrosse
And that's cool, do you, I think every human rocks
But I find my steelo jocked and your cranium's gettin rocked

[toosik]

Funny how you always rinsed my rhyme schemes, now you copy them. Ha ha. Gonna hit you back later.

[Surell]

Cuz I can keep up a rhyme you think that I'm on your style
Boy your shit's contrived, mines natural, grows in the wild
Don't kid yourself kid, ain't nobody tryna see your level
So far down on the ladder you're beneath it just a pebble
If I wanted to be you, I know what I gotta do
Sit around for three hours while cold gathers on my stew
And wonder how I can make four syllables rhyme
What a waste of time, just get to it, get on your grind
Seriously kid, I'm startin to think you're deluded
Jockin you? There's a better chance of heaven bein polluted
Why don't you let the rhyme speaks, oh wait my bad
That'd require you to utilize some skills you ain't have
Or speak with a voice that ain't spillin out
From a man who sits you on his knee and wiggles your mouth
Face it dude, me jockin you is straight counter productive
You can't take from nothin, that's basic logic, get off that dumb shit

[toosik]

I heard u quit your job at burger king but they might take you back
Wearing your paper hat saying would you like a shake with that
I guess the good thing about working there is you don't have to break your back
But it is gonna make you fat
Whoops,Too late for that
Cos every time you cleared a tray today you ate the scraps
Dont get mad im just trying to state the facts,
Mate you're crap,
With lyrics like that you must hate to rap.

[toosik]

sorry my chat was so short yesterday,
in my defence I was out having escapades,
now I'm here sitting at my desk again,
checked the news then had to refresh the page,
sad news, surell has suffered death from aids,
but that's what comes from too much unprotected sex with Dave,
now I'm looking back through this battle in retrograde,
it's for the best I'd say, cos he never met the grade.
I expect I made, his last days worse for all the jests i gave,
but fu.ck it, i read his novel and my eyes haven't yet forgave.
one day i'll inspect his grave, make sure my respects are paid,
then come back here and make sure his novel gets erased,
then fuc.king set ablaze.
yeah just let it be, a burning effigy,
a step by step recipe, to show the necessity,
of why your dad should've had a vasectomy.
his shame always weighed heavily, but since your death at least,
blessedly, now he can set it free.
you never did grow up, in fact i bet the street,
you lived on was called sesame,
but now its the end like the letter zee. at least it fuc.king better be.
your lyrics stunk like cheddar cheese,
and to make it worse they flowed terribly,
R.I.P surell, definitely the worst mc i did ever see,
regretfully, it had to end so messily.

[Surell]

That was the night that young toosik dropped by Surell's grave
Armed with nothing but his one inch dick and a rusty spade
He had to stop and take a breather, five minute walk's a bit much
Finally came to the grave and gave the engravings a touch
"Here lie's the illest, rap game died with him and toosik cried"
A single tear springs from the worn corner of toosik's eye
He crouches to the ground, green moss staining his hand
Mutters a curse he never said and spits yellow bile on the land
Before he realizes it a rotted hand shoots out and grips his throat
The torn tissue and uneven nails strike fear in the bloke
After a rumble in the earth and a tremble in his heart
Surell's face, grimy, moldy, and striking like the finest art
Protruded through the earth and looked toosik in his flooding eyes
His nails digging into the veins, and ragged skin falling aside
Put a twisted smile to toosik, that of a man who delights in a hearse
And quoth Surell: "I'ma finish this, only cuz I let off first"
And tore toosik's throat, and let him gasp for his life
Eyes overflowing, blood mingling with his cries
Before toosik finally faded away, Surell slammed his head
On the tombstone, remarking on the lack of pink matter as toosik lays, finally dead
And with his index nail engraves on the stone
A warning which reads still as will now be shown:

"Here lies a whack motherfucker without a mind of his own
A calculator of rhymes, a disease with brittle bones
But like a machine who comes to some sense of self
He thought his world perfect, coming to be with no one else
But he forgot his programming and presented with alternatives
Short circuited, lashed out, and lies here from the consequence"

Surell signed for toosik, forwent the years of living
Tore off the dead man's leg for a cane and cheerfully whistling
Walked with a proud dip down to the thorned gate
Where pack of wolves met and rode him down to the bay.

[toosik]

wow you've got a vivid imagination... but here's what really happened


i turned up at surell's funeral, but no one else had,
i felt sad, but even six feet under he smelt bad.
sh.it, even the priest had refused to come,
he went round surells house quick and abused his mum,
yeah like rabbits they screwed for fun
but he had no butter to lube her bum,
so the fuc.ker just used his thumb.
back at the grave site my mood was glum,
in his memory i had brought a whopper and chewed it some,
wanted to sit down so i removed my gun,
lost in thought didn't see how time had moved the sun,
then i looked at his tombstone and at what i viewed was stunned.

HERE LIES TRISTAN, PROOF YOU SHOULDN'T WRITE HIGH

here lies tristan? sh.it this dudes a white guy!!!
i laughed so much i swear i thought i might cry,
wiped my eye, then smiled at the full moon in the night sky,
said, "see ya later Tristan, goodnight, bye".
that was it, not the sh.it that you was reciting,
mate sorry but you're just not that frightening,
there was no zombies, no thunder and lightning,
just the grave of a bad rapper with white skin.

[toosik]

And what was that last line? You got ridden by mutts?
I guess it wasn't the first time you had a dogs ji.zz in ya butt,
Surells dead, I got some fizz in my cup,
That'll be the last time I have to read something you'd written that sucked.
Like rhyming consequence with alternatives,
The more along we went mate the worse you did,
Then you rhymed gate with bay,
Mate I hate to say that it's bait you're gay,
Just get another takeaway from your place of pay,
BK twice a day you'll never waste away.
Then it was life with cries, and before that cried with eye,
And at one other point early on it was aside with life,
It's repetitious and doesn't rhyme so now in slides the knife.
I despise that tripe, cos that's not what rap's about,
So the next time you don't rhyme you getting smacked about,
You a white guy named tristan but you pretend that you're black and spout,
Some weird off key poetry but the only thing that connected was my bat to mouth.
But the concept was good, it's just a shame you made a hash of it,
Turned what could have been a classic spit,
Into something that's a stack of sh.it.
I guess that thats just it, it won't end now til there's a clash of fists,
Normally I'm a pacifist, but I'm ready to smash your lips like a fuc.king masochist.

[Surell]

This is my victory lap, shmoney victory dance
This'll be the last you hear for awhile cuz I'm sick of hearin your ass
Drone on and on and on on some homo-erotic jazz
And jock a real pimp's swag, but still can't grasp why ya ass is whipped
And keep gettin **** on like a toilet post-laxatives
Stayin on the whackest shit and bein smitten with it
And that's the closest you'll ever hear someone refer to you as any kinda fly
Always with your heads in the clouds and wonderin why
It seems it could all fall through in the blink of an eye
It's cuz you built your ladder outta twigs with the dumbest pigs in the sty
And as I watch you crash to earth unaware that you'll die
Falling freely like a lemming after gettin lobotomized
And that might be the best descriptor I've found yet for you, guy
I'ma sip rye, your old lady sleepin by my side
Me rollin round her mind with *** hangin from her lip
And I'ma reminisce on these little "chats" as you so cutely called this
And how you came in puffin your chest confidence plotted
Still mutterin "yeah boss" after every bark and not even knowin it
And I'ma laugh, lightin a L, and remember what Neil would say
"Better to burn out than fade away" and proceed to get faded for my celebration

As a PS lemme say I'm startin to feel creeped out
Every proceeding verse from you has been you peepin me out
Call me by my name, oh I think i see your game
When a hater wants to see thy game they stay watchin like the CIA
Couldn't come up with a nice image or metaphor
I wouldn't be surprised if you started leavin dead rats at the door
And little notes about all the naughty **** you wanna do
If I catch your nasty ass I'm pay you your dues
Get you on that sex offender list, ok this is it
I'll leave you at that and laugh when you go to door to door, head hangin like a Jesuit