Rate my song lyrics please!! :) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Today's Posts
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-05-2011, 12:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
Default

I am trying to post a few changes but coming up something about on the site URLS but oh well saved it

good lyrics cheers
marksingermiller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2011, 03:44 AM   #12 (permalink)
Passerby
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Void
Posts: 310
Smile Interpretation is impossible to those who are interpreting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jriddle View Post
I wrote this a few days ago, and I just wanted somebody's objective opinion
Its kind of a spin on a few nursery rhymes


Good morning Sunshine [verse1]
Oh, how I'd love to see you all the time
I'd hide the moon if you'd stay in the sky
For just a little longer.
Hide-and-seek inside the clouds,
And I swear I can't quite figure out
Why the world stole something so beautiful.

I've been working overtime [pre-chorus]
Trying to find
The words, just to define
Why you should stay.

Good morning sunshine, [Chorus]
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
Don't go away.
Twinkle twinkle, little star,
and the spider got away.
There's a little man inside the moon
And he's begging you to stay.

Good morning moonlight, [Verse 2]
Just like a diamond in the sky.
Sometimes the shadow of the sun
can give us reason to fly again.
But if a shadow's what I'm chasing
How can I know if every second's wasted.
When I'm hiding half my face,
It's the shadow's embrace
That means more than anything.

I've been working overtime [Pre-chorus]
Trying to find
The words, just to define
Why you should stay.

Good morning sunshine, [Chorus]
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
Don't go away.
Twinkle twinkle, little star,
and the spider got away.
There's a little man inside the moon
And he's begging you to stay.

Do you ever feel [Bridge]
Like the moon is chasing after you?
'Cause it always seems
Like the sun is gone far to quickly.
I've been trying to be
Just as bright as I can be
I wish that you would notice me..

Good morning sunshine, [Chorus]
My only sunshine,
You made me happy,
You went away.
Twinkle twinkle, little star,
and the spider got away.
There's a little man inside the moon
And he's begging you to stay.



That's it, I don't know if it's too corny, etc. But there's a fair bit of meaning behind it, so I want to make it good, if I can. Don't know whether or not to YouTube it, so comments would be fantastic!
First allow me to say that no poetry or lyrics are 'corny' if they are seemingly 'profound'. They are brilliant, and 'opinions' are only 'objective' to those who cannot see. They are only 'subjective' to those who do not know.

So, I will offer you the 'objective' and 'subjective' meaning, and it may be that you were writing with the pen, but, you were not supplying the ink. Logos works through us, not us through it. And, Truth is conveyed through every Word ever written by man.

Man thinks he is writing his thoughts, but, in it is the purpose of Providence to provide man every opportunity to redeem himself, and others through every means possible.

I have to probably address this verse by verse, or even Word by Word, because, it is not simply a psalm that expresses your desire to find the Truth. It is a message for all descent and genuinely kind-hearted men. And, it is the 'feminine' Principle of your and everyone's Spirit within that is guiding you to this thread to find the answer to your confusion. Or, you are female, and not male. But, it is obvious to me that your male nature is reaching out, and the pen is being guided by your female nature, who is the 'Holy', and creative Principle of Divine consciousness.

Why did you say you 'twisted' nursery rhymes? Because, the Mother speaks as a 'goose' to make it clear that the egg came first, not the chicken. And, She's a 'hen', not a 'cock'. A 'goose', not a 'gander'. And, you didn't actually 'twist' them. You combined them to bring together the Truth of your psalm, and Logos did that for you. We are not all that 'creative' as a species, trust me.

I have to address this through the concept of Logos, or the Word, because the only way to solve a riddle is through riddles. You have to fight fire with fire, Or, you can put out a fire with water. But a blazing fire requires a lot of fire trucks from multiple fire 'stations'. And, when man equates Providence, aka god as a 'cock' or a 'rooster', then I must I must simply address this in the context as it applies to the "universe". Which is 'de-fined' as One Verse, One line of poetry, One song, and the 'root' is literally One turn, or turning. And, also address it as how you presented it. As a 'goose', and a 'gander'. Because, of the deception in the two Words that created a world full of monstrous 'Siamese Twins' And and Or.

The illusion of 'good and/or evil', god and/or the devil, truth and/or lies, fact and/or fiction, history and future history? prophecy? No one can know the future. It does not exist. History is dead and gone, it doesn't exist. And, you want to achieve the only 'reality' there is. Destiny. And, that is fearful, because we have been taught that prophecy equates to destiny. The biggest beast there is. Prophecy. And, since we must measure it. Check gematria. Hebrew gematria, because when you do, you will see that it equates to a number alright. 666.

How do we measure? We solve things to resolve problems? Does a solution evolve into a resolution? Only in reverse math.

There is another message you are sending. You are not asking for an interpretation. You are asking for a reinterpretation. That is why anyone who offers you an interpretation is not answering your question, and does not understand any meaning of your Words.

You are sending a message, and, seeking a message. My only purpose left in this life is to seek others to see the questions that need answered, and how to find them. Not to give it to them. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, but, so are you, and everybody else on the planet.

You are wanting answers, you are seeking the Truth. And, your poem indicates that you are not a 'religious' person, or if you practice a religion, you are not satisfied with what you have been deceived into believing.

Or, you are wide awake, and sending a message through your poem that you see something that people do not see. But, my guess is that you believe what you wrote is something you desire, and are using symbolism as a means to be creative and profound in hopes that people will see it as a good and creative poem. And, that is your ego blocking you symbolized by the 'man' in the moon wanting the spider to come back.

Spiders weave webs my child. Stars are symbolic in scripture as the various Lords, and gods, and angels and are all representative of objects in what man calls a universe. So, let me address a couple things you wrote, and 'break it down' into a 're-prose', not simply a prose. It takes time when you are seeking a 'redefinition' of what you are seeking as a definition, or interpretation. Again, you are asking for a reinterpretation, not an interpretation. So, I will offer it, and you will see the Truth you see, and the Truth I see and know. And, your message is not a different message than any other message that has been delivered to man in every way possible.

Here's the bottom line of what you are seeking, not answering. You are looking for answer, because, you know deep inside that you being trapped in a web of deception. You know that every day and every night is an example of the cycle of continuous birth and rebirth, and you are seeking enlightenment. You want to stop the cycle. And, you know that the Sun represents the 'destroyer' and the 'restorer' of life on this planet. Everyday is a new day, a restoration of life. And, every night is darkness that is an example of the 'image' of the darkness that invades and destroys life. You believe in the concept of heaven and hell it appears, and the Sun is the Father, and the Sun. And the Way, the Truth, and the Life lies somewhere in the universe. And, in you, and everyone. You believe it, because you know it, you just do not understand how and why. You and everyone else is being deceived by powers inside, and in the 'Cosmos' that do not wish man to be redeemed, because, some force is hell-bent on seeing man destroy himself.

You want to go home. You're tired. And, you cannot find the Truth to set you free, but, you know it has something to do with the Sun, moon, and the stars, and you know the 'spider' weaved a web of deception, and is getting away with it. The beast. You are willing to abandon Wisdom (the moon) if it would lead you to the Truth, the Sun.

And, that 'little star' is twinkling in your mind, and you are that little man and that little star, the moon, is inside you, as is the Sun. It is you, who desperately is seeking enlightenment, because, it is the only 'way' out of here. Man has to redeem himself, so, you see the Sun, and the moon as symbols the way they are meant to be seen, but, you have been mislead by the Words being 'redefined'. You want them refined, so, you must redefine them, and you do not how to go about it. And, you are trying like hell, and not giving up. You have faith, you just want to reason it. You know the Truth, but, your perceptions of seeing things the way you have been seemingly taught to perceive. You know there is a problem, you want to know how to fix it, and return to the light, which shines day and night, and find a way out of this cycle.

So, you provided me with the opportunity to share the Truth through your Words, not mine. You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and the only way to stop living is to stop dying. And, the Sunlight never goes away once you achieve what you know you must, but evidently you have not, no matter how hard you try.

And, the moon does indeed chase you away. It can pull you in, or push you out. Gravity. Ebb and flow. Wisdom can save you, or kill you. If you do not know the Truth, and think you have Wisdom, you will slay yourself like a sword with two-edges.

If you would like me to, I will break it down to its root, but not with one post. It can't be done. Because, you are revealing a lot of different symbolism, and although it may be not be lengthy, you wrote a bible in a short little psalm.
And, if you can't find the Truth in everything you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch, then you do not know it. It's all inside of you, and you might be looking in the wrong direction. And, if you seeking some 'god' in the universe, then you need to turn around, and start from the back to the front. You must become the Sun to see the Sun. So, destroy to restore. You cannot destroy and restore. You have to destroy and reconstruct. Suffixes and prefixes are not difficult concepts. If people would just pay attention.

Everybody 'worships' something. They have no idea what it means, and what the concept of the most elementary logic that even children can tell you. Just see how babies act, and, what they do. And, who takes care of them? And, how they learn. Infants do not talk until they learn to speak. What is first Words babies speak. They are asking, not answering. Momma? Momma? And, then they say Dadda.

If you must become like a child, then who must 'feed' and give you 'milk'? Your Mother. And, we not live in a universe, we live in a 'Galaxy'. A solar system in a Galaxy. You are seeking the Sun, but, Truth only lies in the Sun, and creates it's "image" at night. A reflection. What can give you life and kill you at the same time? Mother Earth. You see why you wrote that you believe the earth 'stole' something? It's symbolism. The 'nature of the beast', not a robber. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature. Remember that commercial?

Truth has to be proven. And, Truth is Truth and that's no lie. Lies do not exist. So, the definition of Truth is a lie. So, you cannot find it. You can only know it, and 'worship' it. 'Become worthy of an equal state of being'. And, you are willing to abandon any Wisdom you think you to have to find it. But, you don't have abandon Her just yet. Just turn it around. Don't be willing to be able. Be able to be willing. That is Wisdom, and it does not have an equal or opposite, cannot be spoken, and the only thing that is a 'gift' from Providence. But, you know you must work for it, and you just don't know how. You are asking someone to define how you can become Divine. And, I could a write a novel in the short psalm you penned. And, never deceive you. But, as forums operate, I can also show you and the world the 'way', and still be debated. Because, there is no Messiah coming to save anybody through the clouds literally. We're on our own. And, I believe you either know it consciously, or, you know it subconsciously. You still know it.

But, don't fear anymore. It's happened. Only one person needed to be redeemed. And, you will see the Sun, if you become the Sun. But, the Sun is not infinite and eternal Life. It was 'sacrificed' in order that the world might be saved. And, it speak to us, that is why you talked to it. And, say 'good morning', and not 'good night'.

And riddles are only riddles to those who cannot solve them. So, nothing gets resolved. Debate and discuss? Grab a dictionary folks. It's the only book that cannot deceive you in the True 'definition' of the Word.
Since man chose to redefine, the Word refined the redefinitions. 'roots'. Not square roots. And, number 1 is the only number man can evolve to become. And, do you want to continue to 'evolve around the Sun'?

Truth is the Father. But, not the Name above all Names. It is written "know the Truth, and the Truth will SET you free". So, if want to be a slave, be a slave for the Truth. And, the you will Truly have free will. To create your own destiny. And, it is everywhere yet nowhere at the same time. Separate yet equal. And, is the Word that was with god and is god. But, it did not come into being of itself. It was sent down from heaven? As a human conceived by a woman inseminated by a woman? A man who performed a lot of hocus pocus, and a literal 'human sacrifice'?

Thanks for your psalm my brother/sister. You are a messenger. And, I am only a witness to your testimony.

Tell me what you were thinking and presenting with your symbolism? I am curious, because, I will continue if you see in my Words what I see and know in yours. It's a brilliant psalm. Don't let anybody pick at it's style or presentation, because, they have no clue how Logos operates. It doesn't matter. If you have music to it, post it on youtube. Because, once you do, it lives on forever. Does this make sense? I didn't spell check, so forgive me if I made grammatical errors.

I like it, and, see lots of things in it. So, all that matters is whether you like it. Who cares what people think. You wrote it for a reason. And, that is all that matters.

So, here is the answer through a question.

Please, do not be receptive to the deception? Do not accept what you suspect? Equals and opposites are both equal. They have no opposites.
And, everyday is the first and last day. And, what day on the calendar(gregorian) is both the first and the last day of the week? Sunday. But, we rest on the day we should be working. Think about it?

"Many of the first will be last and the last first, and they will be a single one"

The most important clue the Nazarene ever provided.

"Have you found the beginning that you are looking for the end, you see, the beginning is where the end will be"

And, finally you can choose to believe, you cannot choose to deny. You are forced to deny. And, that is the deceiver. There is only Truth, and I believe everything you wrote, and I see the whole Truth through your Words. And, its everywhere in everything, and man still can't see the Sun. I've been enlightened, and it's 5:30 AM, and I'm wide awake.))) And, I needed a way. The Milky Way.

I have a tendency to be 'Wordy', so forgive me for the length. I could have went on for a lot longer, and still not finished everything I see in your Words.

peace

steve

Last edited by blankety blank; 11-13-2011 at 05:19 AM.
blankety blank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2011, 05:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
Passerby
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Void
Posts: 310
Default

I just wanted to note that I did not address a lot what I see in the symbolism of your psalm. It is more of what I see as an expression of your fear and concerns, and you may have just have thought you were conveying a profound way of expressing another meaning, but, I did not break it down. I generalized what I see as confusion. So, let me ask you why did you write it? And, then I can shorten the reinterpretation

peace
blankety blank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2012, 01:39 AM   #14 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Default

your doing good the lyrics could use some tweaking but pretty good
Nirvana90210 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2012, 02:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: my daddys balls b4 this
Posts: 1
Default

hey guys new here just need some criticism thanx!!!!pain and misery is my lifes history and now im falling further down many nights full of tears its clear to say this hatred is hear to stay dissapoint in the eyes of some now im spitting wats been done everyday i feel my inner self die growing farther from family ties thoughts laced with lies ive been holdin in this anger closer to danger even my friends call me a stranger fallen angels infiltrating my soul like army rangers i awake from sleep hearing the beast speak my name prayin the lords name in vein till the voices stop im clearly insane but the demons are here to stay since the day they arrived which upon pain they thrive strange and deranged are just two of the names guided by voices inside find out in time that im not alright rockin a fake smile itll be ok for a little while till the perkys kick in and my face hits the tile for better or for worse the devils the king of this earth and all you bitches watch for my black hurse cus ill give you my curse time to turn the page cus im lost in this fun house maze time for the ganja daze all i need is 2 smoke that weed its like the birds n the bees im not trying to rant i just cant stand all tha haters across the land looking down on me for smoking gods plant now whos rolling with me in the green trans em cus were runnin low about half a gram but that wasnt the plan in the beggining taken bong tokes like were in the 9th inning tip a couple bottles till my world starts spinning im always winning aleast in my head keep this up and ill end up dead your becoming addicted to these flows being inflicted combined with the siccness do you get this becoming relentliss your a chamilion tryna fit in when you just a phony within enter my soul with a crusifix your phony rymes dont compare to this understand why i behave to late to go back cus ive already changed my fate was engraved before the moon and the planets arranged have you seen the eyes of death hearing your heart pound while your skin starts to sweat try to forget with some jack or a sack of green crack its time for the sinster minister droppin lyrics for the listener couldnt get any sicker watch my sweaty finger pull the trigger eyes roll back as your soul starts to linger guided by my evil dimeanor call me the grim reaper now we goin deeper into the abyss these words leaving bruises on souls like fists while bumpin to this life was such a bliss but now i look in the mirror i dont know what i see whats becoming of me i wish i knew this wake up call is way past due and only my closest ones know what i speak is true just a day in my series of deppression fueled by my recolection hate and anger combined is my complexion only subtances release this tension satans the surgion peforming inner soul disection guiding my direction darkness wasnt my intention but everydays a war with the devils evil suspenion this song is to the ones ive hurt i know ive treated you like dirt but as i grow it gets worse my emotions dispurse causing addiction to emmerse all of this cus i held em inside inspite of my pride im going down the wrong road is what im told and i know cus every day my heart is growing cold my inner soul defines me inside me my black heart bleeds look into my eyes tears and lies darkness grows inside of a tunnel a light starts to glow i never thought this would come of my life sometimes i feel i wanna die my mental stabilitys starting to rot ready or not my minds changing your line of sight still searching for that gleam of light i havnt found it these hate emcripted verses provoking evil in your spirit dont fear it feeling possessed after you heard it but to me these words are being diverted feeling suicidal inside of you i know how it feels one day i hope to be healed and for the love i wish i could feel this is my continual habitual insidious ritual this verse will stay in your head like tramatic audio visuals you should know this war is conflictual rail a couple goodys cus there always good to me cant you see now have a seat and have some fun with me cus only chemicals heal these scars bringing me outta the dark feeling like my minds on park ive just been feeling so low but i need to learn to grow to tell you the truth my lifes been hell but no more on the past will i dwell cus im falling into a state of hell pray for me i need some ****in help
demented lyrics is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2012, 04:32 PM   #16 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 10
Default

I really don't think it works. Sorry.
It doesn't scan well - and clearly isn't from the heart or a personal experience - in which case you're gonna need an absolute 'killer' tune to make this one work.
Good luck!
N
NigelMark is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2013, 11:21 AM   #17 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Default The only one

"Hi every body i made that song by my self

when i looked at you i try to hold myself when it was the summer i try to cry but there are many things to say to right now ooooooh youuuuuuuu are the youuuuuuuuu make great because you are the only one in my life life oh i tryyyyyy to say that i love you and it was the time i thought that it is my love and i know baby i have tried to say it but i know i cant say itttttttttttttttttt you are the only one in life in my heart in my mind oh oh oh and i tried to i try to think about you every day but when i know that its here tryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to hold yourself from loving together here in here i only love myself just when you look at here i say its fine and i can love you more than this but baby be the one i press but when we try to say its fine and come on come on come come baby baby coooooooooooooooome on try to say you love me and try to save me tonight and try to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttts niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oh oh oh yea oh oh oh yea oh oh oh yea and try to say u are the only one in life in my heart my my mind togrther oh oh ohohoh oh oh ooooh yea save me tonight u are the only one in life in my mind in my heart and try to say u are the only one you are the only one and you are the only one in my life in my heart in my mind aand just try to say its not the way you like have a kiss have a love have the way you want try to say try to be try to make yourself the one and i will say you are the one...........
Iten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2013, 11:24 AM   #18 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Default

hi everybody i made this song by my self please try to read it and comment your rating by writing (1,2,3,4,5)
1= 1 star
2= 2 stars
3= 3 stars
4= 4 stars
5= 5 stars
Iten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2013, 11:28 AM   #19 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Default

your song is very nice and i liked it you are really good in making song lyrics you have 5 stars for that
Iten is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.