My song in Progress: "The Good Old Days"

Jaret · 08-17-2012, 10:53 PM

This is a song about a good friend that I lost a couple years back, I need some feedback as this is the first attempt I have made at making a song and I dream of being an artist one day.

Anywho, here it is.

"The Good Old Days; Lyrics By Jaret"
It all happened 3 years ago,
and 2 months from today,
I lost my best friend,
But now it's all okay,
Because although they are far away,
We'll be together again someday,
and then things will be just like the good old days.

The good old days.
Runnning, Splashing, Crying, Playing.

The good old days.
When I used to play with you.

The good old days.
When we'd go outside, and do everything we could do,

The good old days.
When I was spending my time with, you.

Jaret · 08-18-2012, 07:58 PM

Thoughts?

Jaret · 08-21-2012, 04:26 PM

Bump

RollingChopper · 09-19-2012, 11:12 PM

It's pretty hard to rank a lyric completely without music behind it.

The lyric itself is pretty good, i would use more metaphores and be less literal.

In the other hand, you're pretty good. Good luck!

08-17-2012, 10:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jaret Groupie Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 3	My song in Progress: "The Good Old Days" This is a song about a good friend that I lost a couple years back, I need some feedback as this is the first attempt I have made at making a song and I dream of being an artist one day. Anywho, here it is. "The Good Old Days; Lyrics By Jaret" It all happened 3 years ago, and 2 months from today, I lost my best friend, But now it's all okay, Because although they are far away, We'll be together again someday, and then things will be just like the good old days. The good old days. Runnning, Splashing, Crying, Playing. The good old days. When I used to play with you. The good old days. When we'd go outside, and do everything we could do, The good old days. When I was spending my time with, you.

08-18-2012, 07:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jaret Groupie Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 3	Well, Thoughts?

08-21-2012, 04:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jaret Groupie Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 3	Bump

09-19-2012, 11:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
RollingChopper Groupie Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 24	It's pretty hard to rank a lyric completely without music behind it. The lyric itself is pretty good, i would use more metaphores and be less literal. In the other hand, you're pretty good. Good luck!