slappyjenkins

Been thinking about this quite a lot and I will use it as an experiment the next time I poo poo, I mean write, you know what I mean. The next time I give birth.

I will let the lines come out as they want...I'll sit on them a couple days....then I'll put little clothes on them and cut their hair and show them to the world. And if I get that Jerry and Elaine reaction then I'm gonna punt the baby out the window. hehe

But no seriously I think that would be a very good exercise for me to push out a poem from my emotional place, then take time with it to work on its form. I'm sure the finished product would be stronger for it.

Very good suggestion! (as if I expected anything else from you)

VEGANGELICA

Poetry is very personal, isn't it? Maybe that's why you feel naked. Your insides get opened up for all to see. I think discussing poetry is even *more* revealing than being naked! (Maybe that's why I like poetry. )

I feel venting is definitely healthy as long as you don't feel you are sharing more than you want to. I have my own list of names and grievances, yet I've also had closure with a few of the people from my past (and even apologies from some of them) years later, which has helped me move past. I accept that the people I have been involved with weren't perfect, and neither was I, and I accept that they were an important but not lasting part of my life and vice versa.

Yet in your case, some of these women definitely did take advantage of your supportiveness, without any apology, which I'm sorry about...especially the vet who only paid back half of the money you gave her. That's low, because I'm assuming she *has* the money but is choosing not to pay it back. Feeling exploited does feel awful when you truly care for someone. I also felt sad for years due to people who mistreated me yet never acknowledged they had done so. Their viewing me as unimportant made me struggle for a long time with low self worth. But I rallied back.

I agree that it's hard not to feel jaded, closed off, and cynical as a result of being exploited. When I feel that way, I try to work on forgiving people (in my mind) by remembering that they were probably just doing the best they could at the time, given who they were.

My thought is that when people use you or are callous toward you, they must have a lot of personal issues that make it hard for them to treat you respectfully and honestly...and I can't help but think that this must affect their relationship with themselves in a negative way. Perhaps someday they will regret their actions toward you, perhaps not. Yet if I had to choose between being a user vs. being the used, I'd much rather have been the person who was used because at least it meant I was *trying* to be trusting and loving.

Slappy, you are very welcome for my taking a closer look at you and your life story, the inspiration for your poetry. Most people don't usually like to disclose much about themselves, and since I'm curious by nature about how it feels for other people to be alive, I appreciate your satisfying some of my curiosity. I'm glad it also helps you to vent. That means it is a win-win situation! I do a lot of venting through my writing. I feel it is good therapy. Based on how much I write, I must need a lot of therapy!

I'm glad you like the suggestion! I think it *would* be a good exercise...and the worst that will happen is that you end up with two versions, the original poem and the sculpted poem, which might look something like this:

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slappyjenkins

If only more women were like you. And guys too. Then we'd all be better off. I have to go out for a bit, but will be back later and I promise to review some more of your lyrics/poems. Been looking through your work and like I said there's quite a lot there. I also analized my last critique and realized that I didn't offer much in the form of suggestions or constructive criticism. I guess its hard for me to look at someone else's work and point out changes to be made. I figure your work is presented in its present form because that was where you got to at the end of the creative process...so it feels like hallowed ground. I guess I have to be brave and give my criticism and pray you don't take it personally. You were able to offer me great suggestions without stepping on my toes in any way, that is an art form and a bit of poetry in itself. You have a great underlying talent there!

VEGANGELICA

Thank you, slappyjenkins, for saying that you feel my relationship philosophy is a good one.

I was thinking today about my "used" vs. "user" comment and decided the best summary of my life philosophy or ethical system would be this: I do not want to use anyone (human or non-human animal) as a means to an end. For example, I don't want to laugh at people (using them for my amusement), befriend them for monetary gain, use them as emotional punching bags, eat them because they might taste good to me, etc.

Thank you for your thoughts you've shared over in my thread. All your comments and questions are helpful to me, whether you are noticing lines of mine that you don't like or ideas you wonder about.

Believe me, my lyrics and poems aren't hallowed ground. I've torn them apart and changed them so often myself that I'm always willing to make more changes. So no worries: I won't take and haven't taken your criticisms personally. I appreciate very much and feel honored, truly, that you have used your tiime to think about my thread and to tell me your thoughts so honestly and humorously (such as when you described Chester the cat leaving a mouse on your chest! lol! No wonder he was named "Chester." ).

I love critiquing people's writing, so I'm glad you feel I did a good and painless job of it with yours.

I will reply later to your posts in my thread when I have more time. Thank you again for them.

But now I have a question for you about your story you are writing (and I agree with Trollheart that I feel you could modify the title, Invasion: Hell, to make it stronger).

When I read this...

...I started to imagine what happens *after* the invasion of hell (I'm assuming it is successful). I wanted to tell you the ideas that came into my mind, because I thought you'd like to hear how your brainchild affected someone else's imagination. I wondered if you'd like me to tell you the thoughts I had about your story here or by private message? Since this is your poetry thread, would you prefer not to discuss your prose here?

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slappyjenkins

PM me with the thoughts. I hate to use these threads to go off in other tangents which I am highly guilty of! I have been worried that I've gotten you or Kelli offtrack too but you ladies are so gracious about it.

slappyjenkins

The Song That Died

What happened to us?
What went wrong?
Our love has become a sigh
when it used to be a song

*I have a ton of these little guys. I wonder if I'm writing a larger poem, just over days and months and years instead of at one time. I'm gonna search through them and post a couple more, then I'm gonna get some ready to publish. (Early next year hopefully)

slappyjenkins

The Naughty Kiss

kiss kiss kiss
all over
kiss kiss kiss
in every secret spot
kiss kiss kiss
where I'm supposed to
and kiss kiss kiss
where I'm not.....

slappyjenkins

Lightning

Can you see the blur?
Colors swirling in a beautiful world

Can you hear the crash?
Light and Sound doing
an eternal dance

All of these things seem quite strange
They give me feelings I can not explain

*this popped into my mind after a particularly close and powerful lightning strike...practically blew the dookie out of my shorts...

slappyjenkins

Now all of this has been short, but I had a rather large piece of work that I can NOT find and I'm freaking out. It was a play/poem, murder mystery (1700s like setting, but modern themes mixed in). The main character is a bumbling yet famous detective and his assitant is the brains of the operation.

The play centers around their most recent case. A transvestite named Bob hires them to solve his father's murder. His father is the owner/president of a large condom factory and recently fell down a flight of stairs onto a tray of knives and then crashed his car over a cliff when he tried to drive himself to the hospital. Well the old man had a new young wife and Bob is afraid his new step-mother 'might' have murdered him.

The narrator and the two main characters would speak in rhyme whereas the secondary characters did not...some of the more important characters would break into song or rhyme, but mostly talked normal...whenever the 'normal' characters would hear the detective and assitant speaking in rhyme they'd often interrupt them and say..'you guys always talk like this?'

It was rather hilarious and I don't know if I can rewrite the whole thing as it was....DANGGGG...


I'll go ahead and give away the plot/ending....When the detective first knocks on the door to the mansion. The butler opens the door and the detective says 'Aha the butler did it!' His assistant scoffs and they carry on with the investigation. At the end you find out the butler did do it LOL....this one funny concept is what started that whole thing...thinking of blaming the butler, because in a visual/story-telling setting that would instantly take the attention off the butler after that scene, and later revealing that it was the butler...

Kelli

Haha, slappy, I just noticed you had this thread for your poems! I already told you what I thought of the Paths one and that one's still probably my favorite of them. Some of the short and sweet ones would make perfect hallmark cards! But your sense of humor and that play/poem idea also makes me think you'd be good at writing comedies, haha. But like I said, don't get too discouraged about losing that one - you still have the story in your head and can always make it even better the 2nd time you write it. But you never know, it might still turn up!


Had to comment on this one. Any lyrics/writing with images or metaphors of weather is something that always grabs my attention. I like the pictures my imagination can paint with the words. Lightning especially, is both chaotic and beautiful. From a distance it looks cool but when it hits close it's kind of a jolt to your nerves. Anyways, nice job on this one.