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Old 07-26-2013, 01:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default WWWP's Writing Journal Take Two

My other one was shit.

Untitled 7.26.13

She said, "What is it?"
"A hole," he replied.
"But what happened? How did it get here?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But watch your step."
"Will I fall in?"
"Only if it wants you."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Some things fall in and some things don't."
"May I drop something?" she asked.
"If you'd like."
"I'd like to see how far down it goes."
He shrugged. "Be my guest."

She laughed, "Some hole."
"It doesn't care much for keys," he mused.
"But why not? How does it choose?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "But it only takes what I love."
"Did you love someone?"
"Very much."
"What happened to them?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "She just fell in and never came out."
"Was she your wife?" she asked.
"My daughter."
"Have you tried falling in after her?"
He sighed. "Every day."
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I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 07-26-2013, 01:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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This is really great Steph, really sad but really well done and very succinctly written, but you really get the deep sadness from it, especially the last stanza

(I'm terrible at critiquing writing)
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Old 07-27-2013, 12:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon View Post
My other one was shit.

Untitled 7.26.13

She said, "What is it?"
"A hole," he replied.
"But what happened? How did it get here?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But watch your step."
"Will I fall in?"
"Only if it wants you."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Some things fall in and some things don't."
"May I drop something?" she asked.
"If you'd like."
"I'd like to see how far down it goes."
He shrugged. "Be my guest."

She laughed, "Some hole."
"It doesn't care much for keys," he mused.
"But why not? How does it choose?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "But it only takes what I love."
"Did you love someone?"
"Very much."
"What happened to them?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "She just fell in and never came out."
"Was she your wife?" she asked.
"My daughter."
"Have you tried falling in after her?"
He sighed. "Every day."
I love, love, love this. You are very talented, my dear.
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Old 07-27-2013, 09:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you both, I really appreciate the feedback. I've been on a creative streak lately, wrote that on my a break at work on a whim. Hopefully there will be more to come.
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wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 1
wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord View Post
I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 07-27-2013, 09:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon View Post
My other one was shit.

Untitled 7.26.13

She said, "What is it?"
"A hole," he replied.
"But what happened? How did it get here?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But watch your step."
"Will I fall in?"
"Only if it wants you."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Some things fall in and some things don't."
"May I drop something?" she asked.
"If you'd like."
"I'd like to see how far down it goes."
He shrugged. "Be my guest."

She laughed, "Some hole."
"It doesn't care much for keys," he mused.
"But why not? How does it choose?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "But it only takes what I love."
"Did you love someone?"
"Very much."
"What happened to them?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "She just fell in and never came out."
"Was she your wife?" she asked.
"My daughter."
"Have you tried falling in after her?"
He sighed. "Every day."
Holy **** WWWP. This is fantastic, I seriously love it. It reminds me very much of some of those older English Victorian authors... not any one specifically, just the general style of the period. Which is great, at least for me, because that's one of my favorite places and times for good writing.
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blarobbarg View Post
Holy **** WWWP. This is fantastic, I seriously love it. It reminds me very much of some of those older English Victorian authors... not any one specifically, just the general style of the period. Which is great, at least for me, because that's one of my favorite places and times for good writing.
Thank you
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wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 1
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Quote:
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I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The Feeling Seller

The Feeling Seller stood at the intersection of Murphy and Lynch, twirling a thick cardboard sign he had designed himself that read “HAPPINESS® BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND.” In the window of his modest shop in front of which he stood rested against the fingerprint smudged glass a Help If Wanted sign. He was a successful man for a man in his trade, and the Feeling Seller’s integrity was a feature in itself that brought in loyal customers again and again. His patrons often requested Integrity® from the Feeling Seller, but were consistently sent away with a prescription of Temporary Disappointment® to be taken with a light dose of Pride® and a hot meal. In his integrity, the Feeling Seller was careful not to over-medicate: he took every case seriously and attached a great deal of import to his work.

There were people in the Feeling business of course, with less integrity than the Feeling Seller. These were people aptly referred to as Feeling Dealers. Feeling Dealers were only in it for the money, and would commonly, dangerously, prescribe their customers large doses of Positive Feelings without taking care to balance out Joy® or Contentment®, for instance, with Humility® or Melancholy®. Those customers tended to lack, on a general level, any Empathy® and would more often than not end up back at the Feeling Seller’s small shop where their Feelings, if repairable, would be returned to their respective default settings after being given careful amounts of Introspection® and Optimism®. The Feeling Seller knew the harm of giving a person too much of a good thing, and subscribed to the notion that less, especially when in regard to feelings, was more.
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wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 1
wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord View Post
I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon View Post
The Feeling Seller

The Feeling Seller stood at the intersection of Murphy and Lynch, twirling a thick cardboard sign he had designed himself that read “HAPPINESS® BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND.” In the window of his modest shop in front of which he stood rested against the fingerprint smudged glass a Help If Wanted sign. He was a successful man for a man in his trade, and the Feeling Seller’s integrity was a feature in itself that brought in loyal customers again and again. His patrons often requested Integrity® from the Feeling Seller, but were consistently sent away with a prescription of Temporary Disappointment® to be taken with a light dose of Pride® and a hot meal. In his integrity, the Feeling Seller was careful not to over-medicate: he took every case seriously and attached a great deal of import to his work.

There were people in the Feeling business of course, with less integrity than the Feeling Seller. These were people aptly referred to as Feeling Dealers. Feeling Dealers were only in it for the money, and would commonly, dangerously, prescribe their customers large doses of Positive Feelings without taking care to balance out Joy® or Contentment®, for instance, with Humility® or Melancholy®. Those customers tended to lack, on a general level, any Empathy® and would more often than not end up back at the Feeling Seller’s small shop where their Feelings, if repairable, would be returned to their respective default settings after being given careful amounts of Introspection® and Optimism®. The Feeling Seller knew the harm of giving a person too much of a good thing, and subscribed to the notion that less, especially when in regard to feelings, was more.
Please publish something WWWP; I will buy it.

Very much looking forward to this thread.
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
Please publish something WWWP; I will buy it.

Very much looking forward to this thread.
I don't even know what to say. That's awesome.
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wwwp makes you a playlist pt. 1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord View Post
I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 07-28-2013, 03:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
Please publish something WWWP; I will buy it.

Very much looking forward to this thread.
I thoroughly agree with this. Hell, I'd read an entire short novella or short story about the Feeling Seller alone. Or even the entire Feeling business.

By the way, this little piece reminded me HEAVILY of The Phantom Tollbooth, which is by far one of my favorite children's books. Have you ever read it?
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