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-   -   opinions on my lyrics please?! :) (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/80677-opinions-my-lyrics-please.html)

candygreyton 01-24-2015 09:59 PM

opinions on my lyrics please?! :)
 
How do you write good lyrics?

angelgirl 02-25-2015 09:15 AM

Hi, this piece sounds like she's reminiscing about a man whom she used to be with but it sounds like they're not in this relationship any longer, but she still keeps thinking of him and she wants him back!

myroad2zion 03-25-2015 06:27 PM

I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

Mei 03-31-2015 06:38 PM

It looks pretty good , there are some changes that need to be made tho.

Black Francis 04-01-2015 03:12 AM

I like it.

My critique was gonna be it was too obvious and simple but it's actually fine the way it is. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by myroad2zion (Post 1569520)
I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

I thought the same too.

thesienna 04-02-2015 07:50 AM

if you take out the first line , she touches his chest it works

Josef K 04-02-2015 12:27 PM

This is that fucking Killers song.

Plainview 04-02-2015 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josef K (Post 1572298)
This is that fucking Killers song.

Right.

"Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now"

CoNtrivedNiHilism 04-04-2015 08:16 AM

First thing that popped in my head was The Killers, and so I immediately dismissed this person and their 'lyrics' of theirs...please.

If you're going to write lyrics/poetry. Don't rip other people off. That sh*t isn't cool.

Black Francis 04-05-2015 08:20 AM

I know that Killers song but it didn't come to mind until Josef mentioned it now everybody is echoing his post.

Give the guy a break he didn't exactly copy the killer song word for word.


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