opinions on my lyrics please?! :)
 

How do you write good lyrics?

Hi, this piece sounds like she's reminiscing about a man whom she used to be with but it sounds like they're not in this relationship any longer, but she still keeps thinking of him and she wants him back!

I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

It looks pretty good , there are some changes that need to be made tho.

I like it.

My critique was gonna be it was too obvious and simple but it's actually fine the way it is. :)

I thought the same too.

if you take out the first line , she touches his chest it works

This is that fucking Killers song.

Right.

"Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now"

First thing that popped in my head was The Killers, and so I immediately dismissed this person and their 'lyrics' of theirs...please.

If you're going to write lyrics/poetry. Don't rip other people off. That sh*t isn't cool.

I know that Killers song but it didn't come to mind until Josef mentioned it now everybody is echoing his post.

Give the guy a break he didn't exactly copy the killer song word for word.