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Old 01-24-2015, 08:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Smile opinions on my lyrics please?! :)

How do you write good lyrics?

Last edited by candygreyton; 08-10-2015 at 03:20 PM.
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Old 02-25-2015, 08:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi, this piece sounds like she's reminiscing about a man whom she used to be with but it sounds like they're not in this relationship any longer, but she still keeps thinking of him and she wants him back!
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Old 03-25-2015, 05:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.
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Old 03-31-2015, 05:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It looks pretty good , there are some changes that need to be made tho.
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Old 04-01-2015, 02:12 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I like it.

My critique was gonna be it was too obvious and simple but it's actually fine the way it is.

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Originally Posted by myroad2zion View Post
I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.
I thought the same too.
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Old 04-02-2015, 06:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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if you take out the first line , she touches his chest it works
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:27 AM   #7 (permalink)
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This is that fucking Killers song.
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Old 04-02-2015, 05:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josef K View Post
This is that fucking Killers song.
Right.

"Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now"
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Old 04-04-2015, 07:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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First thing that popped in my head was The Killers, and so I immediately dismissed this person and their 'lyrics' of theirs...please.

If you're going to write lyrics/poetry. Don't rip other people off. That sh*t isn't cool.
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Old 04-05-2015, 07:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I know that Killers song but it didn't come to mind until Josef mentioned it now everybody is echoing his post.

Give the guy a break he didn't exactly copy the killer song word for word.
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