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Old 03-28-2015, 05:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 721
Default Yo yo yo, I wrote a rap.

Food for Thought:

You want a taste of me,
You’d better Taser me,
I ain’t going down so easily,
It’s disconcerting to know that you’re aware of me,
My expectations are met when you step up to the plate,
But their ain’t no love at the end of the night,

Welcome to loserville,
it had a population of one but you made it two,
Do you want some heartbreak with that tiramisu,
Do you want some hatred when I hand you the bill,

Unfortunately, this is the best I can do,
If I told you I was lying I’d be telling the truth,
You know the root of all evil’s in your wisdom tooth,
And you were the apple of my eye, but you ate that too,
This is the food of love and it’s playing still,

When did the sweet turn so sour,
I had a takeaway and a cold shower,
I’ve been watching the clock for the happy hour,
Devour whatever I can to take my mind off ya,

At what point did we say that this was aborted,
I honestly feel like my soul’s been deported,
I honestly feel like we haven’t departed,
I honestly don’t know what I feel any more and,

My brain is a black hole,
Swallow your pride you might choke,
Swallow it all like a good girl,
When did this turn into a sick joke,

I always liked the way she was never broke,
I always liked the way she made me feel when she spoke,
I could never stand the way she kept a good man broke,
I could never stand the way she rolled her eyes when I spoke,



Feedback appreciated! First ever go at anything like this. I'm not even that much of a rap fan so this might be slightly unconventional, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Not properly structured. The last stanza would be a chorus of sorts.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadChannel
The overuse of babe/baby, the lack of any sort of discernible originality, the melodrama and the general sense of an especially heinous sort of hardcore vapid stupidity all make me want to jab my eyes out with a drill-press and then hang myself from the CN Tower with an electrified rope that sends shocks in excess of 10,000 volts through my body as I slowly die. While listening to Dream Theater.
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Old 03-31-2015, 05:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
Mei
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It's pretty good but I'm not sure if your mad at her or not lol
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Old 04-01-2015, 02:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mei View Post
It's pretty good but I'm not sure if your mad at her or not lol
I was trying to make it intentionally conflicting to reflect the wave of different emotions that comes with 'sour' relationships and breakups, when your opinion and emotions shift from day to day as you try and make sense of what's happened and move on. Maybe that obfuscates the rap a bit though, I dunno.
Thanks anyway!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadChannel
The overuse of babe/baby, the lack of any sort of discernible originality, the melodrama and the general sense of an especially heinous sort of hardcore vapid stupidity all make me want to jab my eyes out with a drill-press and then hang myself from the CN Tower with an electrified rope that sends shocks in excess of 10,000 volts through my body as I slowly die. While listening to Dream Theater.
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Old 04-02-2015, 07:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Australia
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You want mother ****in taste of me,
You’d better Taser me bitch ,
I ain’t going down so easily,

It’s good to know that you’re aware of me,
My expectations are met when you step up to the plate,
remember me when you think of hate
But their ain’t no love bitch at the end of the night,

Welcome to loserville, i'm ****in fright night
it had a population of one but you made it two,
Do you want some heartbreak with that tiramisu,
Do you want some hatred when I hand you the bill,
walkin away from me when i'm yelling at you.

Unfortunately, this is the best I can do,
If I told you I was lying I’d be telling the truth,
You know the root of all evil’s in your wisdom tooth,
And you were the apple of my eye, but you ate that too,
This is the food of love and it’s playing still,
that rotton tooth is still hanging
close the door on me pull it out slamming
with the wire, ah look good in your good atire

When did the sweet turn so sour,
I had a takeaway and a cold shower,
I’ve been watching the clock for the happy hour,
Devour whatever I can to take my mind off ya, you still leave me sour.

At what point did we say that this was aborted,
I honestly feel like my soul’s been deported,- life shorted
I honestly feel like we haven’t departed, you was a drug i snorted
I honestly don’t know what I feel any more and, just so you know
i own my own house now in fairy land.

My brain is a black hole,
Swallow your pride you might choke - ho
Swallow it all like a good girl,,
When did this turn into a sick joke, oh i remember its when you said youd always be my girl

I always liked the way she was never broke -daddy paid for that
I always liked the way she made me feel when she spoke, - slap yoru ass slap slap
I could never stand the way she kept a good man broke, gues thats the way hoes are, **** i need a smoke
I could never stand the way she rolled her eyes when I spoke, guess its time for me to go, by the way no longer broke
if you stayed with me youd be stoked, but **** off, go send another man broke.
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Old 04-02-2015, 07:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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its good just tweeaked it a bit for you much better i think
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