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Old 01-07-2016, 05:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Plant City, Florida
Posts: 13
Post [Please Rate my Lyrics] - Won't Let Go

Hello, my name is Cody. I previously posted in these forums to ask for an opinion of a previous work of mine, and I have improved since and would like a proper evaluation of my current poetic talent. This is a song that i wrote to go on my band's debut album, Shattered Glass. Please tell me what you think of it and please give proper criticizm. I hope you enjoy.
~Cody

Won't Let Go
Written by Cody Sparks


[Verse]
Like shattered glass.
My heart is in pieces.
Scattered all across the cold hard floor.

And like shattered glass.
I try to pick up the fragments.
But the shards cut oh so deep.

And the tears I've cried.
Fill this pit.
Of despair that I'm trapped inside.

And these sands of fear.
Diminish my hope.
And slowly fill my lungs.

[Verse]
I can gasp for air.
But all that's left.
Is smoke from the blazing flames.

The flames that burn.
All of my.
Fond memories to ash.

Oh, it's hard to move on.
When what you leave behind.
Defines just who you are.

And it's hard to fight on.
When you no longer have.
Something worth fighting for.

[Chorus]
Because every time.
My wounds have healed.
I end up bleeding.

Bleeding out.
The contempt I've yet to know.

And these scars.
Have never sealed.
They just keep bursting.

Bursting out.
From this pain that won't let go.

When I believe.
I've found solace.
In this tragedy.

I discover.
That loss.
Is my destiny.

And there's.
Nothing I can do.
To break free.

Oh, no.
This pain.
Won't let go.

[Verse]
I see black clouds.
Gathering overhead.
Striking me down.
With every word you said.

The truth is.
I saw through your lies.
But that led to my own demise.
And now that we are through.
I don't know what to do.

[Chorus]
Because every time.
My wounds have healed.
I end up bleeding.

Bleeding out.
The contempt I've yet to know.

And these scars.
Have never sealed.
They just keep bursting.

Bursting out.
From this pain that won't let go.

When I believe.
I've found solace.
In this tragedy.

I discover.
That loss.
Is my destiny.

And there's.
Nothing I can do.
To break free.

Oh, no.
This pain.
Won't let go.
No it won't let go.
It just won't let go.

Oh, no.
This pain.
Won't let go.

[End]
DemonicDax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2016, 09:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Lyrics sure are nice, deep.
But it's too long.
I don't know how do you want to sing that, but I believe song would last at least 5 minutes. 3-4 minutes are ideal.
Angel3010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2016, 09:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel3010 View Post
Lyrics sure are nice, deep.
But it's too long.
I don't know how do you want to sing that, but I believe song would last at least 5 minutes. 3-4 minutes are ideal.
Thank you for the input. I think I will remove the verses in between the two choruses and just have the second chorus go right after the first one. I didn't like those verses as much as the others anyway.
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