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-   -   rate 4 lines... more to it, however, can't give it all away (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/86593-rate-4-lines-more-however-cant-give-all-away.html)

WhyBanhammer 06-15-2016 12:43 AM

rate 4 lines... more to it, however, can't give it all away
 
Maybe your mind will change,
or I'll watch you bleed

And maybe your eyes will sink,
Before you breathe,

Maybe your mind will fail,
before you care,

And maybe you're just hard to take...

Janszoon 06-15-2016 05:05 AM

I see seven lines.

Zhanteimi 06-15-2016 05:39 AM

Are "bleed" and "breath" supposed to rhyme? Because they don't.

Stephen 06-15-2016 08:07 AM

Assonance

WhyBanhammer 06-15-2016 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mordwyr (Post 1709925)
Are "bleed" and "breath" supposed to rhyme? Because they don't.

No they're not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen (Post 1709935)
Assonance

Agreed, you can really detect it when singing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon (Post 1709922)
I see seven lines.

Sorry 4 verse.

Zhanteimi 06-15-2016 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer (Post 1709974)
No they're not.

All right. So what is "before you breath" supposed to mean?

Stephen 06-15-2016 03:50 PM

I assume it's "before you breathe".

Zhanteimi 06-15-2016 03:54 PM

He said "bleed" and "breath" were not supposed to rhyme, though.

WhyBanhammer 06-15-2016 05:40 PM

OK, so it's pretty messed up if you take it like it sounds...

The line is: "Maybe your eyes will sink, before you breathe"... Think about normal eye and mouth placement on the human face.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen (Post 1710105)
I assume it's "before you breathe".

You're right, sorry, just typed it up quickly..

Quote:

Originally Posted by mordwyr (Post 1710106)
He said "bleed" and "breath" were not supposed to rhyme, though.

Sorry for the confusion, you were right...

pansy gayboy 69 06-15-2016 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer (Post 1709916)
Maybe your mind will change,
or I'll watch you bleed

And maybe your eyes will sink,
Before you breathe,

Maybe your mind will fail,
before you care,

And maybe you're just hard

there.


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