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Old 12-03-2016, 12:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Default I made lyrics called 'The Sun'. please give me some comment.

I was waiting for the sun when i was hazing at dawn
To see the sun rising up for resplendenting my eyes
And i realised that it is not a real sun
Cause it feels so hot and tastes like metallic

This metallic sun is fron eight thousand meter high
This metallic sun is from eight thousand meter high

I was sitting on the ruins
I could see the bodies and ghosts
They said "please give me some water"
But i couldn't get a water for them

Now i'm flying in the hottest cloud
And changing into dust

This metallic sun is from eight thousand meter high.


Actually i made 4 songs and this is the first song what i made.
When you like this, then i'll post another lyrics.
thank you.
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Old 12-03-2016, 12:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Your English is pretty bad. Why would you write lyrics in a language you haven't mastered?
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Old 12-03-2016, 12:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Because i like english lyrics. why not? Is there any flop in my lyric?
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Old 12-03-2016, 12:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Yeah, there are several mistakes (the word 'resplendenting' doesn't exist for example) and your sentences generally sound pretty clumsy.
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Old 12-03-2016, 12:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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You should add "I is barbecue friend" somewhere in the song.
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Old 12-03-2016, 12:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Oh.......then i'll fix it. thank you.
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