stuck (quote, song)

FaSho · 01-06-2009, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAPTAIN CAVEMAN

i'm not trying very hard
how much effort does it take to type one word and hit enter

^Posts like these are Why no matter what he says everyone will always love CC.

deep_and_depressing · 01-06-2009, 04:26 PM

ok... I may be deep and depressing but you just took it to a whole new level of deep! seriously when I wrote that all I was thinking was "OMG I'm so f***ing tired!"

deep_and_depressing · 01-06-2009, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FaSho

^Posts like these are Why no matter what he says everyone will always love CC.

idk if I agree with that, I don't exactly love him right now.

Dr_Rez · 01-06-2009, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deep_and_depressing

idk if I agree with that, I don't exactly love him right now.

Yes you do. You will realize it soon or later.

deep_and_depressing · 01-06-2009, 05:09 PM

I haven't come up with a title for this yet but I think it's slightly more hopeful and less depressing than my other work.

I believe there
is a girl that
lives halfway
across the world
she feels my pain
thinks she's going
insane
I intend to
meet her one
day and when I
do I will say

You are my life's ambition
and I've been waiting for you to
save me from myself come on
there's no admission
we're both on our way to hell

She's shy and self-conscious
not ready to come out
but I'll sit her down and say
we've got a lot to talk about

I won't give up
I won't stop
dreaming
waiting
for her to walk
into my life
she's all I'm thinking
about she makes me feel
alright
she will complete me
make me happy
I will see her
make it snappy
before she gets away

I want to meet her today
an alibi for my sins
riding shotgun on my hell-bound
life
keeping me on track along the way

Thinking about her makes life
easier
brings a spark of hope
to my failure of a life
Though I've waited for
so long and she has yet to appear
I will keep waiting right here
in what I currently call hell
where pain and embarrassment
lurk
around every corner
where nothing can be
done right

I'll wait in
desperate
pleading
undying
hope that she will come and then
I'll truly fall in love.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've written one other song about the same person; an Australian lesbo that quite possibly doesn't exist. Anyway I'm looking for constructive criticism and possibly a title idea.

jackhammer · 01-06-2009, 05:20 PM

Completely cliched yet it seems refreshingly honest. I like it's simplicity. Sometimes these are the best lyrics.

Wifey Boozer · 01-06-2009, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deep_and_depressing

Rainbows at Midnight
The clock says twelve A.M and I'm at my window again
challenging the velvet sky
laying back down so hard I try
to get some sleep in tonight

[chorus]
I can't sleep
'cause I keep thinking
why can't I start dreaming
my mind is running 'round
and it's cold outside
and I can't calm down
my imagination is creating
rainbows at midnight

returning to the sill
I guess I have some time to kill
[I know I need something else here but I don't know what to do]

[chorus]

if I could sleep
maybe I could keep
my sanity
as I lay in bed tonight
I toss and turn hoping that I might
close my eyes

[chorus]
I can't sleep 'cause I keep thinking
why can't I start dreaming about
the things I want to find
how do I ease my mind.

I don't wanna change my user name, that's just who I am

I was wrong, this isn't even mildly interesting... it isn't about anything, it tries too hard to be about something and it tries too hard to be "deep_and_depressing". It's neither. The rhymes are mediocre, also.

deep_and_depressing · 01-06-2009, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wifey Boozer

I was wrong, this isn't even mildly interesting... it isn't about anything, it tries too hard to be about something and it tries too hard to be "deep_and_depressing". It's neither. The rhymes are mediocre, also.

ok I understand this was one of my earlier writings so I kinda thought it sucked myself just needed to know if I was alone are there anymore you're interested in? or did this one turn you off my writing forever?

WWWP · 01-06-2009, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wifey Boozer

I was wrong, this isn't even mildly interesting... it isn't about anything, it tries too hard to be about something and it tries too hard to be "deep_and_depressing". It's neither. The rhymes are mediocre, also.

My thoughts exactly.

deep_and_depressing · 01-06-2009, 06:11 PM

thanks. I'm trying to edit a little bit make it a little more catchy and turn it into a song instead of just a poem

01-06-2009, 04:26 PM	#22 (permalink)
deep_and_depressing Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 73	ok... I may be deep and depressing but you just took it to a whole new level of deep! seriously when I wrote that all I was thinking was "OMG I'm so f***ing tired!" __________________ My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister

01-06-2009, 05:09 PM	#25 (permalink)
deep_and_depressing Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 73	A slightly less depressing poem? I haven't come up with a title for this yet but I think it's slightly more hopeful and less depressing than my other work. I believe there is a girl that lives halfway across the world she feels my pain thinks she's going insane I intend to meet her one day and when I do I will say You are my life's ambition and I've been waiting for you to save me from myself come on there's no admission we're both on our way to hell She's shy and self-conscious not ready to come out but I'll sit her down and say we've got a lot to talk about I won't give up I won't stop dreaming waiting for her to walk into my life she's all I'm thinking about she makes me feel alright she will complete me make me happy I will see her make it snappy before she gets away I want to meet her today an alibi for my sins riding shotgun on my hell-bound life keeping me on track along the way Thinking about her makes life easier brings a spark of hope to my failure of a life Though I've waited for so long and she has yet to appear I will keep waiting right here in what I currently call hell where pain and embarrassment lurk around every corner where nothing can be done right I'll wait in desperate pleading undying hope that she will come and then I'll truly fall in love. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've written one other song about the same person; an Australian lesbo that quite possibly doesn't exist. Anyway I'm looking for constructive criticism and possibly a title idea. __________________ My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister

01-06-2009, 05:20 PM	#26 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	Completely cliched yet it seems refreshingly honest. I like it's simplicity. Sometimes these are the best lyrics. __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

01-06-2009, 06:11 PM	#30 (permalink)
deep_and_depressing Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 73	thanks. I'm trying to edit a little bit make it a little more catchy and turn it into a song instead of just a poem __________________ My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister