You (effect, song, hands)

Crowe · 04-01-2007, 12:01 AM

You

I am ashamed.
I will speak to you,
But only from the comfort of darkness.
Do not strain your eyes,
To see my face.
With this coarse voice,
I will attempt to explain.

I regard you with wonder,
And better still with awe.
You are a miracle.
And I am undeserving.
Please forgive me,
Though I wouldn't do the same.
My hypocrisy is crippling.

I am a man who is whole.
Without the sum of his conscience.
I am a liar.
And you exist as my only truth.
My honesty in the form of,
A breathtaking figure of grace.
Yet I sit here... in a place devoid of light.

To avoid your gaze.

And when I emerge from these shadows with my torn face.
I know you will be there with the healing touch.
And I will weep in silence and without regard to time.
From my hands onto your cheeks.
My tears, succumbing to gravity.
My love finally resting,
A solemn corpse buried in you.

R. Crowe

**sleepy jack** · 04-01-2007, 12:03 AM

that ending = <33333

The first verse totally made me expect something else from the rest.

Crowe · 04-02-2007, 11:04 PM

So I guess people have just pretty much given up on the songwriting forum, eh?

**sleepy jack** · 04-02-2007, 11:07 PM

basically, yes.

DontRunMeOver · 04-05-2007, 04:22 PM

I like it, and all the more for the fact that the final line fits but at the same time doesn't sit comfortably. It has a kind of jarring effect that works well for this piece.

**right-track** · 04-05-2007, 05:05 PM

"I am a man who is whole.
Without the sum of his conscience.
I am a liar.
And you exist as my only truth".

That's easily the most poetic lines I've read of yours so far Crowe.
The rest I liked, but if you could match it with words like those, it would be perfect.
I always enjoy reading your stuff, keep posting them up .
And I hope more people start to give a bit more feedback in this part of the forum.

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04-01-2007, 12:01 AM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	You You I am ashamed. I will speak to you, But only from the comfort of darkness. Do not strain your eyes, To see my face. With this coarse voice, I will attempt to explain. I regard you with wonder, And better still with awe. You are a miracle. And I am undeserving. Please forgive me, Though I wouldn't do the same. My hypocrisy is crippling. I am a man who is whole. Without the sum of his conscience. I am a liar. And you exist as my only truth. My honesty in the form of, A breathtaking figure of grace. Yet I sit here... in a place devoid of light. To avoid your gaze. And when I emerge from these shadows with my torn face. I know you will be there with the healing touch. And I will weep in silence and without regard to time. From my hands onto your cheeks. My tears, succumbing to gravity. My love finally resting, A solemn corpse buried in you. R. Crowe __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

04-01-2007, 12:03 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,242	that ending = <33333 The first verse totally made me expect something else from the rest. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

04-02-2007, 11:04 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	So I guess people have just pretty much given up on the songwriting forum, eh? __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

04-02-2007, 11:07 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,242	basically, yes. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

04-05-2007, 05:05 PM
right-track Avin' It! Join Date: May 2005 Location: THE PEOPLES ЯEPUBLIK ФF MAИCUИIA Posts: 5,055	"I am a man who is whole. Without the sum of his conscience. I am a liar. And you exist as my only truth". That's easily the most poetic lines I've read of yours so far Crowe. The rest I liked, but if you could match it with words like those, it would be perfect. I always enjoy reading your stuff, keep posting them up . And I hope more people start to give a bit more feedback in this part of the forum. __________________ Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who ** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular **ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.