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Old 12-13-2019, 07:06 PM   #1451 (permalink)
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Old 12-14-2019, 12:57 AM   #1452 (permalink)
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I think maybe the pain you gotta feel has to be felt. If you mask it with drugs and booze it’s still going to be in there like water being held by a dam. You still gotta pay the piper.
My therapist says "sometimes the only way out is through."

Glad you found someone who seems to give a shit.
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Old 12-14-2019, 02:03 AM   #1453 (permalink)
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Today was my first visit to a clinic since getting 86ed by my last doc. My new doc is actually an NP. She has a therapist that she said is a friend and I need to see her before I get back on my meds. She said she can’t just write scripts unless I’m making some kind of effort in therapy. She talked to me today longer than my other doctor did over the course of several visits. She also said that lots of doctors are trying to drop their mental health patients. After looking over all the paperwork I brought from my last doctor she asked me if I thought I might have PTSD. I said I was constantly terrorized as a kid at home and she said yeah people carry that around with them for a long time.

Sigh. That’s a really long time...

Also, she heard me out on my complaints about therapists who practice independent of someone with medical training. The therapist I’m seeing is also an NP with a specialization in psychiatry which is important to me.

I guess the goal of my therapy will be to get off Xanax. It’s going to be ****ing brutal but whatever. I mean not whatever it’s just something I have to do. Or maybe not.

I think maybe the pain you gotta feel has to be felt. If you mask it with drugs and booze it’s still going to be in there like water being held by a dam. You still gotta pay the piper.

What sucks is that if you were abused as a kid going through the abuse was terrible and painful. It seems like damn that should be enough because you paid upfront. But nope you gotta pay again and maybe again again after that.

I’m so ****ing glad I never had a kid to **** up.

Abused Children May Get Unique Form of PTSD | TIME.com

This study was done at the hospital where I was born lol
Good luck with the therapy and getting to where you need to be, man. Really, it can't be easy to put something like that in your past but hopefully this will help. It definitely does help having someone who actually is listening and isn't just trying to get you in and out or even worse trying assert unsolicited advice on to you which usually are pretty common when you talk to someone who isn't specifically trained for this.

Good for you though.
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Old 12-14-2019, 05:38 AM   #1454 (permalink)
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What sucks is that if you were abused as a kid going through the abuse was terrible and painful. It seems like damn that should be enough because you paid upfront. But nope you gotta pay again and maybe again again after that.
That is so true. I never realised that, it's so ****ed up that it works that way. Good luck man, I really hope the therapy stuff will do you good
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I want to open a school for MB's lost boys and teach them basic coping skills and build up their self esteem and strengthen their emotional intelligence and teach them about vegetables and institutionalized racism and sexism and then they'll all build a bronze statue of me in my honor and my bronzed titties will forever be groped by the grubby paws of you ****ing whiny pathetic white boys.
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Old 12-14-2019, 05:47 AM   #1455 (permalink)
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And the worst part of all is that you can spend years in therapy processing your trauma and really working through it and it will start to feel like it's finally behind you and then one day out of nowhere a smell, a tone of voice, a facial expression, a fleeting thought can bring it all right back up to the surface and you have to start the cycle over again. It's like having the rug pulled out from under you over and over.
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Old 12-14-2019, 06:03 AM   #1456 (permalink)
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That's horrible

Has any of you had experience with that EMDR therapy thing? I've heard interesting stories about that
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Old 12-14-2019, 01:09 PM   #1457 (permalink)
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That's horrible

Has any of you had experience with that EMDR therapy thing? I've heard interesting stories about that
I haven't personally, but in my outpatient program people were commonly being given referrals. It's apparently very effective for PTSD and trauma in general. What happens with trauma is that it's such a shock to your brain that it doesn't know what to do with the information, and where your brain would typically take that memory and send it to either short or long term storage, it instead keeps it in this limbo nowhere place, so the memories are just constantly in the back of your mind and it makes you feel like it just happened and fully triggers an adrenal stress response in your body. The EMDR helps to kind of force the trauma into the long term I'm-not-in-immediate-danger memory storage facility it belongs.
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Old 12-14-2019, 02:41 PM   #1458 (permalink)
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That's really interesting. I hadn't heard a proper explanation of it before, thanks!
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I want to open a school for MB's lost boys and teach them basic coping skills and build up their self esteem and strengthen their emotional intelligence and teach them about vegetables and institutionalized racism and sexism and then they'll all build a bronze statue of me in my honor and my bronzed titties will forever be groped by the grubby paws of you ****ing whiny pathetic white boys.
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Old 12-14-2019, 04:41 PM   #1459 (permalink)
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I haven't personally, but in my outpatient program people were commonly being given referrals. It's apparently very effective for PTSD and trauma in general. What happens with trauma is that it's such a shock to your brain that it doesn't know what to do with the information, and where your brain would typically take that memory and send it to either short or long term storage, it instead keeps it in this limbo nowhere place, so the memories are just constantly in the back of your mind and it makes you feel like it just happened and fully triggers an adrenal stress response in your body. The EMDR helps to kind of force the trauma into the long term I'm-not-in-immediate-danger memory storage facility it belongs.
Like MM I’ve never heard it explained that way either. So that’s why **** keeps spooking you.
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Old 12-14-2019, 04:47 PM   #1460 (permalink)
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Makes sense. If you can't deal with it then logically it should remain an ever present worry. Subconsciously speaking.
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