Three midgets walk into a bar. They all take a seat at the bar and order drinks. After a few more beers the first midget looks at his hands and says:
"I reckon ive got the worlds smallest hands"
Intregued by this statement the barman looks over:
"I reckon your right there mate" He says "Why dont you go check it out with the Guiness book of records"
To which the midget replies
"Y'know what Ill do that" and leaves
Then the second midget jumps of his chair and says
"I bet ive got the worlds smallest feet"
The barman again replies with
"I reckon you have mate, go get it checked out"
The second midget finishes his drink and runs after the first midget
After a few more beers, the third midget goes
"I reckon ive got the worlds smallest penis"
The barman looks over and goes
"Woah, thats pretty small mate, why dont you go get it checked out"

The next day, the first midget walks in and says
"Offical, Worlds smallest hands!"
The barman offers him a free drink, when suddenly the second midget walks in and goes
"Its offical, Worlds smallest feet"
The barman and the other midget congratulate him and the drink flows. When suddenly the third midget bursts through the door in flood's of tears. The barman, worried about his friend, asks:
"It didn't go so well then?"
To which the midget replies
"No it didn't. Who the fuck is this Right-Track?"

Sorry mate...Had to get you back for the brummie jokes you made :D

^ :rofl: Har har, very funny. :(

That genuinly took me by surprise just then, when I saw the punchline.
For a split second I felt humiliated...until I remembered I have a large willy. :thumb:

:laughing: Sorry mate, couldnt be helped...Needed payback!

:beer:

:rofl:

I don't see why that should be posted in here. How is the truth offensive?


=D

^ hush now.

Levithian, that was excellent.:clap::clap::clap::clap:

But not accurate.

Hey, even you should admit it was still funny.

:laughing: It was. I laughed out loud. It's a funny joke. hahahahahahaha. :)






















Levithian...you are on my hit list. :bringit: ;)

*Takes a bow*

Bring it Right-Track :bringit:

































Please dont ban me

That was impressive man.

I love it:laughing:

A guy finds a lamp on the beach and so he rubbed it. A genie came out and told the guy that he will grant him one wish.
Well the guy was caught off guard and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii?" Well the genie thought about it and said, "Do you know how much is involved in building such a bridge?
I would have to sink pilings down miles into the ocean. It would take millions of yards of concrete. The labour would be incredible. Can you think of something else?"
By this time the guy has had time to think, and says, "Okay, can you make Albion stay up next season?" The genie looked at him and said, "Do you want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

A dirty old man pulls up to the primary school, spots little petey walking out on his own, winds down his window, dangles a bag of fun size mars bars out of the car and says, "Hey kid, come in my car and I'll give you a mars bar."
and little Petey replies, "Give us the whole packet mister and I'll *** in your mouth!"

Yo mamma's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo mamma's so fat, is school she sat next to everybody.


I heard those somewhere.

:bringit:

Its on Right Track...Its on!

:laughing: very funny though

Two aircraft , one carrying a cargo of red paint , one carrying a cargo of blue paint have crashed into each other over a mountain range.

Rescue services have said both aircraft are marooned

That's not offensive, but it is funny.

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

lol^

Your momas so fat that when she ordered a water bed, they just put a huge blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Your momas so fat that when she was walking she saw a bus full of white kids and mistook it for a twinkie.

Your mom says "HI"

Tell your mom she still owes me $20.00 from two nights ago.

I like that one :laughing:

K, these are silly, but nevertheless...


"Yo Mama is so stupid.....she got stabbed in a shoot-out!"

"Yo Mama is so poor, I saw her walking down the street yesterday, she had one shoe on. I said 'Hey, what happened, you lost a shoe?' She said 'No, guess what!? I FOUND one' "
hee,hee,hee (those are the only 2 I have memorized)

Your Momma's teeth are so yellow, she spits butter

Your Momma's so fat, when she cuts herself she bleeds gravy

This isn't intended for anyone here, but........


You're so stupid you have to pull down your pants to count to eleven (k, thats a joke i've retained since 8th grade, from SNL or MadTV, whatever, its not as funny 2 me anymore, or maybe at all????)

Ok, I just made this up right now! I just used it on Ensemble.

Ya' momma's so fat she sleeps in a bed as big as Russia. She rolled over one night, fell off China and made Australia!

Haha I love that one :D

What do you call a woman with brains? ...





































... a transvestite.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?



















































Because she was a woman!

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.

^GOLD GOLD GOLD!!!!!

That was great....soooooo great..

*ahem...(composes self)*...

yeah..

....

nope.



What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?


















nothing, you already told her twice!

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

*CLAPS*:clap:

Fenix these two last jokes you said were great!.. good job

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

^ three goodn's in a row, nice
don't spell dick like that, it kicked in on my dislexia real bad, plz

I dunno if you'll find these lame or not but...

What do you get when you put Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger together?

Answer: Michaelwazanigga


What Michael Jacksons favourite time?

Answer: Midnight, when the big hand touches the little hand

there was 3 guys on a plane, an Asian, an Aussie, And a New Zealander. The pilot said that we needed to lose weight quick because we were going to run out of fuel after 10 minutes of thinking, the New Zealander threw out some of his sheep because they had so many in New Zealand, The Asian Threw out fireworks because they had so many of them and then finally the Aussie threw out the Asian because they had to many of them :D :D


Remember they're just jokes..... but heres the best one














What did the robot say to the centipede?

Stop being a centipede!! Hahahahahaha

WTF, i don't get it... (if there was something to get)