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I apologize for bringing the thread down. I just feel strongly about that topic.
Anyway, my joke was probably pretty insensitive to snails, I'd say. |
that joke was adorably funny :D
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Isn't "Offensive Joke" an oxy moron?????
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ya I think it is :)
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What's the difference between 1,000 dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage. |
^ Overused, way overused
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I hope to die asleep and peiceful like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers
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why is 6 scared of 7 ?
cause 7, 8 ........9 really old joke.. but still so funny. |
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back
and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies. The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's 'privates' hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!" |
An ugly fat woman, a gorgeous young hot blonde, an American man and a Canadian man are all riding together in a train car.
As the train passes through a tunnel, the distinctive sound of a loud slap is heard. When they emerge from the tunnel, a bright red handprint is on the face of the American. The fat woman thinks "that dirty American grabbed that blonde in the tunnel and she slapped him!" The blonde thinks "that dirty American must have tried to grab me, but grabbed the fatso by mistake and she slapped him!" The American thinks "that Canadian bastard felt up that blonde and she slapped me by mistake!" The Canadian thinks "I can’t wait ’til we go through another tunnel so I can slap that stupid American again!" |
So a Croatian walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
"We don't serb your kind!" |
3 vampires walk into the pub,
first vampire walks up to the bar says 'i'll have a pint of blood please'...as you do... bartender, little shocked and confused says 'sorry mate, we don't serve blood here' second vampire goes up 'pint of blood please' barkeep - 'again mate, like i told your friend we don't serve blood' third vampire goes up- 'pint of blood please mate' barkeep, little adjetated 'look sorry mate, i've told both your mates now, we dont sell blood' vampire 3 -'oh.....how bout a pint of boiled water then?' confused barkeep - 'erm...yeah, i suppose we can do that' vampire goes back to table with pint of boiled water and the other vampires look at him and say 'oy! ****ace! what 'ya doin' we only drink blood you dumbass' he turns round and reaches a tampon out of his pocket goes 'ever heard of a tea bag?' |
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Here's a few Momma jokes... Ya' momma's so old she owes Jesus a nickel. Ya' momma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Ya' momma's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Ya' momma's so old, her birth certificate is expired. Ya' momma's so old when she reads the Bible she reminisces. |
yer mommas so nasty she needs to put ice in her panties to keep the crabs fresh....but she doesnt to cover up the smell
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Hahahhaah, that's good, Imma save that one. But, ya' momma's so dirty she smells like hot ass on a cold day.
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Yo momma's so stupid she got fired from a blow-job.
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HAHAHHAHAHAHAH! That's great. Ya' momma's so stupid at bottom of application where it says Sign Here, she put Sagittarius.
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Yo momma's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her
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Ya' momma’s so ugly your dad takes her to work so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
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Your Mom is so poor that in her neighborhood a rainbow appears only in black and white
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Ya' momma’s so fat she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
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Your mom is so nasty, when she takes off her panties it sounds like Velcro
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HAHAHAH, I like that one too. Ya' momma so dirty she made Right Guard turn left and Speed Stick slow down.
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Your Mom's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down
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Ya' momma teeth so yellow she could get a job a the movie theater spittin' on popcorn.
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Your Mom's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her stomach lights up
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Ya' momma teeth so rotten it looks like her tounge's in jail.
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Your Mom is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks
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Ya' momma so dirty she has to sneak up on bathwater.
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Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs
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Ugh, I hate that one, I always picture it when somebody says it...ugh. Ya' momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in the ocean!
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Yo momma’s breath stinks so bad that people look forward to her farts
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Hahaha love it ^
Your mother's so stupid she got locked in a supermarket and starved Sorry, it's the best I could come up with :( |
Yo momma’s so fat her bellybutton doesn't have lint it has sweaters
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A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his Mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his Mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up." |
Q: What is the ideal weight of a Scouser?
A: About three pounds, including the urn. Q. What is the difference between a battery and an Scouser? A. A battery has a positive side. Q - Why are Scousers like laxatives? A - Because they irritate the shit out of you. Q. How many Scousers does it take to pave a driveway? A. Depends how thin you slice them. |
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