The Official Joke Thread

Notveryskilled · 11-07-2009, 07:43 AM

Also here's a joke.

Why do you never play Uno with a Mexican?

Because they take all the Green Cards.

polyphonic · 11-08-2009, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by polyphonic

A man was talking to his friend,

"Bob, you know how I go on those business trips all the time? Well, I'm waiting in line at the airport and the woman at the ticket counter has this huge nice rack barely hiding behind her low cut shirt and I can't stop looking at it, and by the time I up there instead of asking for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two pickets to titsburg'! I was so embarrassed!"

So Bob says,

"That kind of thing happens all the time, why just the other morning I was sitting down at the breakfast table with my wife and I meant to say, 'Honey, baby, sweetheart, could you pass me the salt and pepper, please?' and instead I said, 'Bitch, you're ruining my life!'"

Still Funny!

RWS · 11-10-2009, 11:23 PM

A guy walked into a bar. "ouch"

weblgend · 11-11-2009, 01:10 AM

A fat man try to ask a woman going out, but woman said to him- 'sorry, I do not eat pork'

Yon Troper · 11-12-2009, 03:29 AM

A ninety-year-old man walks into the doctor and says, "Doctor, my twenty-year-old wife is pregnant. How could this have happened."

The doctor says, "Let me tell you a story. One day, a man went out hunting, but instead of his gun he picked up an umbrella. A bear started running towards him, so the man took his umbrella without knowing he didn't have his gun, aimed it, and shot the bear."

The man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot the bear."

"Do you see how this relates to you?"

ElephantSack · 11-12-2009, 09:35 AM

That reminds me of this old gem:

A man goes bear hunting. He's sitting in the treeline of a vast open field when he sees a large Brown Bear making it's way across the field. He takes multiple shots at it with his rifle. No dice. Every shot misses. So he just says, "Damn it.", and stays put to wait for another bear. About ten minutes later he feels something coming up behind him. He turns just in time to see the bear from before, and before he can react, the bear turns him over and rapes him.

The next week, the guy goes back for revenge, this time with a double barrel shotgun. When he spots the bear again, he opens up, but misses yet again. On the way back to his truck, the bear pounces on him and rapes him again.

The next day, he goes back to the field with an AK-47. He sits in his spot for over three hours, waiting for the bear, but there's no sign of it. Just as he's about to call it quits, he feels a tap on his shoulder. It's the bear, and he says, "You're not coming here for the hunting, are you?"

Bobina · 02-25-2010, 09:30 AM

Here is a joke, but not really about me! Enjoy!

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I
desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I
timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished
my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

TheBig3 · 02-25-2010, 09:39 AM

What do you use to make pickle bread?

dildo.

(lawl this was censored)

DandB · 02-25-2010, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobina

Here is a joke, but not really about me! Enjoy!

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I
desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I
timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished
my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

HAHA That's a good one.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 02-25-2010, 10:16 AM

Why did Crass break up?
They lost their stencil.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.

How many rude boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to drop it and one to pick it up pick it up pick it up!

11-12-2009, 09:35 AM	#276 (permalink)
ElephantSack Man vs. Wild Turkey Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: ATX Posts: 948	That reminds me of this old gem: A man goes bear hunting. He's sitting in the treeline of a vast open field when he sees a large Brown Bear making it's way across the field. He takes multiple shots at it with his rifle. No dice. Every shot misses. So he just says, "Damn it.", and stays put to wait for another bear. About ten minutes later he feels something coming up behind him. He turns just in time to see the bear from before, and before he can react, the bear turns him over and rapes him. The next week, the guy goes back for revenge, this time with a double barrel shotgun. When he spots the bear again, he opens up, but misses yet again. On the way back to his truck, the bear pounces on him and rapes him again. The next day, he goes back to the field with an AK-47. He sits in his spot for over three hours, waiting for the bear, but there's no sign of it. Just as he's about to call it quits, he feels a tap on his shoulder. It's the bear, and he says, "You're not coming here for the hunting, are you?" __________________ OF THE SUN

02-25-2010, 09:39 AM	#278 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	What do you use to make pickle bread? dildo. (lawl this was censored) __________________ I've moved to a new address

11-07-2009, 07:43 AM	#271 (permalink)
Notveryskilled Groupie Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Local wonderland of everywhere Posts: 27	Also here's a joke. Why do you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they take all the Green Cards.

11-10-2009, 11:23 PM	#273 (permalink)
RWS Groupie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	A guy walked into a bar. "ouch"

11-11-2009, 01:10 AM	#274 (permalink)
weblgend Groupie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	A fat man try to ask a woman going out, but woman said to him- 'sorry, I do not eat pork'

11-12-2009, 03:29 AM	#275 (permalink)
Yon Troper Groupie Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Posts: 32	A ninety-year-old man walks into the doctor and says, "Doctor, my twenty-year-old wife is pregnant. How could this have happened." The doctor says, "Let me tell you a story. One day, a man went out hunting, but instead of his gun he picked up an umbrella. A bear started running towards him, so the man took his umbrella without knowing he didn't have his gun, aimed it, and shot the bear." The man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot the bear." "Do you see how this relates to you?"

02-25-2010, 09:30 AM	#277 (permalink)
Bobina Groupie Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: In the sunshine of my life Posts: 11	Here is a joke, but not really about me! Enjoy! I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

02-25-2010, 10:16 AM	#280 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	Why did Crass break up? They lost their stencil. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken. How many rude boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, one to drop it and one to pick it up pick it up pick it up!