The Official Joke Thread

~~[MERIT]~~ · 01-29-2019, 08:05 PM

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven. God tells him that he will answer one of the man's questions. The man asks "Who shot JFK?" God answers "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He did it, and he acted alone." The conspiracy theorists replies "Bullshit. This thing goes higher than I thought!"

windsock · 01-31-2019, 09:21 AM

I want to start an iron sights company so it's slogan can be "We Aim to Please".

Plankton · 01-31-2019, 09:33 AM

A colt walked into a bar but couldn't ask for a beer because he was a little hoarse.

Plankton · 01-24-2020, 08:34 AM

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

Spoiler for ze PUNCH! line:

**Marie Monday** · 01-24-2020, 08:59 AM

I'm pretty sure that's not how German pronunciation works

**Frownland** · 01-24-2020, 09:09 AM

Y'all lost your chance to boss people around in 45

Plankton · 01-24-2020, 09:24 AM

I can't get past the pronunciation for entrance and exit.

Plankton · 04-06-2020, 12:10 PM

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

Spoiler for do not open until Xmas:

John Connor · 12-14-2020, 01:53 AM

Two mouse talking to each other. Suddenly one ask the another.Are you vaccinated? Another one replies:
Are you normal.Its not even confirmed on people.

Plankton · 12-14-2020, 07:17 AM

*mice

01-29-2019, 08:05 PM	#571 (permalink)
~~[MERIT]~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 4,814	A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven. God tells him that he will answer one of the man's questions. The man asks "Who shot JFK?" God answers "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He did it, and he acted alone." The conspiracy theorists replies "Bullshit. This thing goes higher than I thought!" Last edited by [MERIT]; 01-31-2019 at 08:05 PM.

01-31-2019, 09:33 AM	#573 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,766	A colt walked into a bar but couldn't ask for a beer because he was a little hoarse. __________________ See location...

01-24-2020, 08:34 AM	#574 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,766	Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? Spoiler for ze PUNCH! line: Because he asked them who their favorite composer was and they all said: "Bach Bach Bach!". __________________ See location...

01-24-2020, 09:09 AM	#576 (permalink)
Frownland SOPHIE FOREVER Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: East of the Southern North American West Posts: 35,548	Y'all lost your chance to boss people around in 45 __________________ Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. d e a f b o x

01-24-2020, 09:24 AM	#577 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,766	I can't get past the pronunciation for entrance and exit. __________________ See location...

04-06-2020, 12:10 PM	#578 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,766	A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: Spoiler for do not open until Xmas: "Are - my - test - results - back?" __________________ See location...

12-14-2020, 01:53 AM	#579 (permalink)
John Connor Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 896	Two mouse talking to each other. Suddenly one ask the another.Are you vaccinated? Another one replies: Are you normal.Its not even confirmed on people.

12-14-2020, 07:17 AM	#580 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,766	*mice __________________ See location...