Music Banter - Why America Is Better than All Your ****hole Countries

With the success of my anti-football thread I figured I'd keep the ball rolling with another one that deals with the important issues of our time. Namely, just how much America rules. It can pretty much be summed up with three pictures:

http://img1.basementsite.com/uploads...andmore013.jpg

http://cdn.americansongwriter.com/wp...toby_keith.jpg

http://www.3dnews.ru/assets/external...20Hellfire.jpg

'Nuff said. But I'm sure some of you jealous turds will be arguing and bitching so I'll deal with you one at a time and tell you why the place you've probably lived all of your life is a piece of utter ass.

Europe: "But we have free healthcare!" Please. If there's one thing that Angela Merkel has proven over the last few years it's that all Europe is good for is being Germany's bitch. And we've made Germany our bitch twice in the last century so we still win. Not to mention when we got bored with dropping bombs on them we started dropping food just to mess with their heads. And we called it "humanitarian aid" to protect them from the Soviets!

http://distilledmagazine.com/wp-cont...h8-23-07-1.jpg

China: Beijing is being slowly engulfed by the Gobi Desert. If your capital city is being slowly engulfed by a desert then you are officially a country full of losers. Next!

Russia: Alright, I'll give it up to Russia. They let their people starve just so they could buy tanks and nukes, which is pretty badass. But we still handed them their asses in the end so we'll be taking all their vodka and hot chicks with curiously erotic man voices.

Africa: Dude, do they even have countries or just "No Lions Allowed" zones? Oh and speaking of the blacks, slavery was obviously a terrible, terrible thing, but how have we paid for two hundred years of slavery and another hundred of segregation and Jim Crow? By winning the Olympics.

Mexico, Central, and South America: These people know what's up. Even they'd rather live here than their own shitty countries. Less spiders.

India: The most well-known person from India is famous for being hungry. At least Martin Luther King got some exercise. That dude walked his ass off. Wouldn't even ride the bus.

And is being hungry in India really all that special anyway?

Australia: Those dumbasses are too busy getting punched in the face by kangaroos to notice they're in the ass end of nowhere. If you're a first-world country whose nearest neighbor is Antarctica then you should kill yourselves. You might as well just give it up and start a bloody civil war to finally get some international news coverage. You know, bomb a few cities into the stone age (I mean who really gives a flying fuck about Melbourne, Australia anyway?), stage a bloody coup and kill...whoever is the Prime Minister/President/Supreme Dictator for Life of Australia, and maybe even do a little ethnic cleansing for good measure. It's not like you people ever liked the Aborigines in the first place.

The Middle East: What the fuck is up with the Middle East? Every time I see any news coverage from one of those shitheap countries I always imagine it smelling like dirt, BO, and shattered dreams.

Afghanistan: Whether or not you're winning the war you still have to live in Afghanistan. Check and mate.

Vietnam: Alright so you won a war and killed sixty-thousand of us. That's legitimately impressive. But we killed, like what, over a million of you? So feel free to gloat while you're wondering why nobody showed up for Poker Night.

North Korea: They're sort of like that mean dog that nobody likes that's always trying to bite people so China has to keep it in the house but he doesn't really like the dog either so he's emotionally distant when it comes up to get a pat on the head so you feel sorry for it but then it tries to nuke Japan so you kick it.

Canada: The day you stop giving us maple syrup is the day the bombs start dropping.

Alaska: Alright so technically it's part of the US, but it just looks like Canada's taking a shit. I say we give it to them in exchange for Quebec. Not that we want Quebec but I need to punch some Frenchies in the mouth every now and again.

If I've forgotten your country it's probably cause it's not even worth mentioning.

U mad?