I wrote this poem
while I was on the toilet
it is a haiku

Next topic: birds

Birds have wings to fly
They have wings to move in air
People suck at that

Next topic: Losing

somebody screwed me
or perhaps I screwed myself
either way I lost

next topic: diarrhea

Hits at the worst times
When you're least expecting it
Gunk flies out your ass

Next topic: Vomit

I had just written this masterpiece about diarrhea...

Darn! I have the runs
and I don't think I'll make it.
****. I soiled my pants. :(

...but you were faster than me.

Now I'll focus on vomit:

My sour belly
warns me with a nasty burp.
I'm gonna vomit!

Subject: When you see a living lobster in a water tank at a Chinese restaurant and you feel really guilty because you know its days are numbered.

You'll be boiled alive
They say you're delicious
****ing metal, dude

Witnessing a hit and run but you won't talk to the police cuz no snitchin.

Lobsters can suck it
I saw a lobster today
It flipped me the bird

Oatmeal

Edit: Don't care. Already did this over three times cause people posted just before me, and I'm not doing it again. If I were a mod I'd just delete Frownland's post.

Witnessing a hit and run but you won't talk to the police cuz no snitchin:

I saw the driver
run that girl down and leave, but
I don't squeal to pigs.

Oatmeal:

I love cooked oatmeal
hot and sweet with brown sugar
stirred into dark swirls.

Next topic: when you give into kleptomaniacal urges to steal something petty

Horse's feed bag grain
tasteless breakfast time for those
who can trust Quakers!?

edit: took a while to write a haiku and plug at the same time.

I must have it now
I would kill to get that ****
I need my next fix

Next Topic: Stupid essays for honors classes