The Ongoing Adventures of Florida Man & Woman
 

Just because I felt like we needed a thread just for the ridiculous (and often horrifying) stories that come out of America's weirdest state.

http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/...da-funny-8.gif

So far this year....

Florida Man loses right hand in fireworks explosion
Florida Man & Florida Woman spend 2 days "locked" in unlocked closet
Florida Man decapitates his mom because she was "nagging" him
Florida Man spanks his daughter 12 times in front of deputy

What will Florida Man and Florida Woman do next?!

Lot's of crazy things come out of Florida, huh?

http://www.invisibleoranges.com/wp-c...rbid-angel.jpg

lol i never understood this stereotype, i'm pretty sure ny and cali have us topped in terms of craziness. but to go along with the thread i remember a story years back that my dad used to talk about, about a guy down there who was some local hero one year when he saved a bunch of puppies from drowning in some storm. it was like a local buzz story or whatever.

anyway a few years later they were supposedly having the air show thing that the air force does over the beach in ft lauderdale, and this made some type of massive traffic jam on 95, and this same puppy hero guy turns up in the news over a road rage incident in which he got out of his car and went up to the driver's door of another car, opened the door and proceeded to start biting the driver.

anyway obviously i don't have links for any of this cause it's just some random **** i remembered so you can take it or leave it. but i always thought it was funny. my dad wasn't really the type to make up random **** for whatever that's worth.

Here's a retail related Florida three-fer, fer ya...

Police Release Photo Of Victim Humped, Defiled By Notorious Walmart Masturbator | The Smoking Gun

Cops: Naked Man Took Cat Nap On Store's Dog Beds | The Smoking Gun

Florida Boy's Vandalism Spree At Dollar General Store Is Caught On Tape, Goes Viral | The Smoking Gun

What... on... earth?

Nah. I've lived in both Florida and California and currently live close to New York. Florida is by far the craziest.

which part of florida?

Orlando.

oh. don't know that town really. the only time i've ever been is when i had to spend a night there when i took the megabus back down recently to clear up some court/traffic stuff. megabus doesn't have terminals and they have like day-long stop-overs where you just get stranded in some random city and have to either get a hotel room (which would defeat the point of taking megabus) or wander around like a vagrant. i got stuck there overnight and atlanta as well. i liked atlanta a lot more tbh. orlando smells like dirty lake water. disney is a cheap, jew-hating bastard for building his park in the middle of the ****ing swamp when pretty much the entire state is just one big coastline.

Florida is truly the land of doom and gloom.

So... did y'all just forget about the dude trippin balls who hate some other dude's fvckin face or...?

i thought it turned out there was nothing in his system but marijuana

You mean there wasn't even any blood? Wouldn't you die?

idk, dude.

But... yeah, if anything that makes the story more crazy. Dude straight up just decided to chomp someone's face off then. I mean, I've gotten pretty damn stoned but the thought or impulse to eat someone never crossed my mind. That dude was a frickin loon.

nah, I just focused on Florida Man's mishaps in 2015 thus far.

I don't think I'll ever forget the bath salts guy.

what makes the story even better is that haitians actually believe in zombies and there's tons of haitians down there. and shortly after that incident...

I wanted to say that was ****ed up and not cool, but I was laughing far too hard the entire time to really mean it. Especially at the end when the dude got chased by like twenty guys. That's ****ing brilliant.

Florida Man's newest adventures....

Florida running back poops himself on the field
Florida Man dies after crashing van into house
Florida Man won't just let "bigfoot" go
Florida man thinks he's a 400 year old Indian, smears ashes on face, steals car

Florida Woman's been busy too ...

Florida Woman steals package, runs over rightful owner in his own driveway
Florida Woman shoots Florida Man in Florida argument
Florida Woman arrested for child abuse and one other repulsive crime

womp womp womp.... now this story is sad.

Maybe Florida is a bit strange...

Funny enough, those are the top three states for Canadian immigration. Coincidence?

Florida Man, age 60, impregnates 12 year old girl
Florida Man breaks into hospital, sexually harasses a patient and throws coffee on a police officer

http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/upload...-Out-Yuck-.gif


What a sicko

Why would anyone worry about a middle aged man spending a lot of alone time with a budding adolescent girl he's not related to? What could go wrong? Step-fathers are the new real fathers.

hey, if muhammad can do it...

*waits for roxy*

Ugh. You haven't the slightest understanding. Bye.

Muhammad impregnated a 12yo? What?

I'm sure most twelve-year-olds were pregnant back then.

they should just take that guy out back and put a bullet in his brain.

Then his son will be a bastard!

the child is already genetically compromised. :laughing:

Oh, Florida... Florida, Florida, Florida.

lol you sound like a chick

I fail to see how that's a problem.

That's just cause you're a chick.

and being a chick is pretty cool.

unless you're Florida Woman.

Being a guy is mega-cool, so why would anyone want to be a chick?

especially being a white guy

supposedly consummated the marriage at 9. it was back in the day. **** was ****ed up back then. i just love how touchy people are about it...they cant accept reality for what it is

cause instead of just using simple words to say a directly what you think he hides behind vague passive aggressive type ****