The Batlord is rejuvenated by rest and thoughts of himself. Attempt successful. His penis is now encrusted with dried ejaculate.

He is lying in bed in a dark room.

What does he do now?

Leaves the dark room to go fap in public

The Batlord attempts to leave the room, but can not see in the darkness. He accidentally hits his testicles on a solid object.

What does he do now?

Curses the solid object responsible for the testicle abrasion, which causes the spirit of Cthulhu to be summoned from it.

**** your rules about one thing at a time

The Batlord curses the solid object. No response. Cthulhu's spirit can not see in the darkened room, and returns from whence he came.

What does The Batlord do now?

tickles his bruised testes.

Um, puts on the light/lamp?
(I think you've given us enough clues)

The Batlord tickles his bruised testicles. They sway back and forth like a mighty pendulum.

He is in a dark room.

What does he do now?

Too late.

picks his bellybutton.

What do you mean, too late? Has some horrible demon reached out and wrapped you in its tentacles, striking out of the stygian darkness before you could ... who DID you take home last night, anyway?